SoLiLoQuy

Sunday, April 30, 2006

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was wondering whether to drop econs o not
it's the qn tt is flashing across everyone's minds now
kinda admire those who had done so long ago
better than me still struggling to keep my grades up, juz enuff to pass
sighz
toked to mrs chua after rem on fri
she said she also nt sure if i shld
afterall she has only taught us fer only less than half a yr
sighz so it's bk to square 1
i haf to make my own decision afterall
sighz
i'll prob nv touch an A fer my subjects
touch wood!
this yr is my a levels!
i shall be positive!
maybe it's my tears tt woke me up
i haf decided to buck up, really
after letting out those pent-up emotions
i feel much better
i will juz do my best n let god do the rest!
yup :)

yays 22nd exco is out!
after all the meetings, discussions, agruements
hahas

upcoming events:
installation-19th may
thc appreciation-15th july
the end
perhaps everyone is waiting to step down
not me
i wld rather keep tt thot out fer nw
keep on luvin interact
:)

wishing upon a star at...|3:31 PM|

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Sunday, April 23, 2006

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heys yest was a hectic day
was almost rushing ard
hahs
where the day started with me meeting iris at suntec kfc to haf lunch tog
was kinda late so was practically running from city hall mrt to suntec
then very paiseh!! cox i nearly went up the wrong escalator!!!!
so embarassin! alot alot of ppl saw n i tink some luffed! :( :(:(

oh man!
throw face...

then after tt met mentees n homegrp ppl at buona vista mrt
dunno y the mentees all so early one...
maybe xcited?
hahas
walked over to ghim moh sec tog
sooooo long!
wonder how chris they all do it every wk fer mentoring
hahs
hearts out started with all of us being super sian
but we slowly warmed up
first was the game where u go ard askin whu got this n tt
thot the part where eric said he played a water sport was funni
swimming is a water sport?!!
hahs
lamepoks!
then was the trust-fall game
i was super scared!!!
practically plopped down onto the gals in front
cox the guys thot the head will be heavier so went to the behind part
how were they to noe i was so scared tt i din fall, i sat!
hahas
realised it's prob nt tt scary afterall
:X

i tink after tt was the memory game
where we had to match the pics with the one on stage
then was telematch!
super stupid fer me!
cox usually is 2 ppl 3-legged race rite
i did 3 ppl
so walked like some duck
then hafta bite apple in bobbing water
i took so long
then practically dived inside to eat lo
almost choked
whole face all wet
so paiseh!
the guys lamer!
they did 4 ppl
but they did well!
break had old chang kee curry puffs
so happi!
my fav :)
then was the captain's ball game
i was so impressed by eric, li seng n adith!!!!
i finally see the benefits of being tall
okies maybe i knew it was super gd to be tall but juz dun wan to admit it
hahha :P
they so cool!! can smack the ball to defend n catch higher, basically it's qt exciting to watch them play
esp li seng
totally like some volleyballer,
he's my idol le!!
so coool!!!!!
:):)
n we did win one game in the end :)
hahs overall thot it was fun, though i din expect it to be
knew my jnrs n fellow mentors better!!!
very happy though super tired, although i din do much hahs
juz kept luffin n cheerin
our king kong cheer was so cute!
go king kong!

then afterall we shared our prize n took pics
got hello kitty wrapper tt i wanted
but adith tore it by mistake sighz
haha my jnrs tink i'm a spoilt brat!!! ahhhhhh
n the only child!
oh no!
*pouts

then went fer dinner with li seng n iris at centrept delifrance
super ex!
we all were broke in the end hahs
:)
then fer tution
went home super satisfied with the day
but nw bk to homewk
tatas!

wishing upon a star at...|10:14 AM|

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Thursday, April 20, 2006

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i dunno y i feel like bloggin agn
juz feel like letting out how i feel
y is the matter being blown up agn?
wen my class have finally settled down
they haf to start it all over agn
all tt questioning
wun it ever stop?
wat's the pt?
finding the reason, how will it help in any way?
it'll juz hurt everyone
dun they always say let the past go?
i hate the media now
dun believe it!
dun believe
dun believe
i dun believe tt's the truth

wishing upon a star at...|7:05 PM|

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my mind is in a whirl
so many things i dun unstd
i'll take foreva to catch up
feel so exhausted everyday
each day is like a routine
juz waiting fer the wkend
only to await the next wkend
yet knowing tt time is flowing by so quickly
nowadays wen i look at the j1s
sometimes i wish i can turn back time
wishing i appreciated n enjoyed my 1st yr in vj more
wishing i did much more things i nv tried before
i dun wanna to be thrust into the society so soon
i'm nt ready yet
to leave everyth i find so familiar
yet i wan to grad n end this exhausting cycle
sighz all this tinking too much is so tiring

i feel so small nowadays
so small tt i can almost disappear
tt my absence prob doesnt make a diff
i feel so weak
tt i can't control anyth
feelin qt low self-esteem
i noe i appear qt zi lian to everyone

but it's a way of comfort to myself
to remind myself to be confident
i gez i'm really lackin in tt area

was talkin to nic juz after sch
she told me i seem so 16 instead of 18
yes tt's true
i'm always stuck at 16
a mindset of one younger than my age
childish u might say
i start to tink i'm really spoilt
overly-protected
need to grow up
yet i dunwan to
maybe i juz wan to stay in the past
weird huh?
maybe i'm juz weird

------lonestar

wishing upon a star at...|6:41 PM|

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Thursday, April 13, 2006

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lookin forward to sat
gonna interview our j1 exco applicants
tink it's gonna be exciting n interesting
afterall i'm interviewer nt interviewee
hehe evil!
:P
but hope wun be like the prev time
the rest all said i was mean n fierce lookin
bah
so now shall be quiet n mild hah

today was sports day
super boring
shalln't elab
but ppl who saw me n jai hui in canteen all tink we're slackinso negative thinkin
cant we be juz takin a break?
heex

anw got pw results too
everyone was makin me so nervous
then in the end got 1!!!
yays!
my entire grp all got 1
guess all tt effort, sweat n energy was nt wasted
though we quarrelled n had misunderstandings at a pt
but i'm glad pw is over
we still made it thru tog
real proud of my grp members
wana thank them fer putting up with me
n forgive me fer wateva i might haf done wrongly
yupz thx guys!
tt high five with de yang today brightened my day :)
anw congrats to him fer tennis!

ohs to softball gals fer winning by sucha large margin too!
pity abt the softball guys but still very impressed by their passion
the fact tt they trained everyday n their determination
i hope this setback will not pull down their morale
jia you!

a personal msg to iris:
really touched by ur words in ur blog
hmmm glad tt i being ur mentor does bring u joy and makes u happy
glad tt we made an impact
but we can always haf an outing
u organise k?
:)

sumtimes feel qt inferior to others
it seems tt everyone haf so many meaningful activites and achievements but i dun seem to haf any at all
i dun even noe wat i really wan in life anymore
as i grow up, my insight on life starts to blur
i no longer see the path ahead of me
i take one step at a time
graspin to any support frm anyone ard me
afraid to be alone
afraid to fall
wen will i be independent?
or will i break down n lose all directions wen everyone leaves?
i need to be strong, be on my own, noe wat i wan, to grow up
n work towards it
sighz

realised i seemed to have grown a lot these 1 yr plus in vj
vj has totally given me a diff perspective from st nix
perhaps in st nix, i was too sheltered, too protected
i nv knew real heartbreak, pain, loss.
the feelin of tears fallin uncontrollably
the way u wana stop but nv seem to be able to
to stop n start all over agn
the way u wan tears to wash away the pain n bring relief
instead it brings forth more memories
more pain n sadness
yet in this time, i've found joy in my passion in helpin others
found myself enjoyin wat i do
nv mindin the stress, the tiredness
i found frustration in nt being able to do things up to ur own standard
n having to struggle to balance evryth at hand
so much i learnt, feel, appreciate n love, i will keep in me
as a part of me, nv to be thrown away
lord, i'm glad u've put me thru all this
bcox otherwise i'll still be like in a fishtank
restricted to a small space, nv being able to look beyond the space
u helped me learn all things thru the hard way
building my emotional resilience
thank u lord fer being there always
to bring me thru it all

wishing upon a star at...|9:40 PM|

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Friday, April 07, 2006

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heys old fren, i miss ya lots, my bloggie!
so much fer being lame
nowadaes i feel like i'm always putting a facade, a show fer myself
i'm happy most of the time wen i'm with my frens, find myself getting closer to my classmates esp n i admit i'm glad of tt
dun wanna graduate n regret nt knowing anyone better
yupz...so i luv s61! yays!
but wen i'm alone, i'm a worrybug i feel lonely n melancholic
sighz mood swings
i really dun mean wat i say at times
i behave weirdly ard ppl i care abt

so long nv blog
got lotsa stuff to say
tues was jie wei's bdae
i haven thot of wat to get him
sighz
buyin stuff fer guys are real hard
limited things la

wed was last mentoring session!!!
oh my my my
din expect it to ever come
but while i'm glad tt from now on, i'll haf more time to work on my studies
cox i'm seriously not coping well
but i noe i'll really miss the mentees n mentoring with my homegrp
:(((((
but at least i'll still see my homegrp ard sch
i can't imagine how i'll feel wen investiture comes
interact is nt juz a cca anymore, it's so much a part of my life
i noe i hate it wen adith nags but tt day, he made a point i totally agreed with
interact taught me many things i'll nv learn
it gave me happiness, confidence, experience in handling ppl, made me less impulsive n rash
n best of all, i've met the best and nicest ppl in there...ppl who care abt the less fortunate and are willing to help n put in their best to improve the lives of others...
they are diff from others i've met
they have...
COMPASSION.PASSION.COMMITMENT
just like wat the exco interviewers are lookin fer next sat, wen we interview the new exco applicants

wed was a usual mentoring session
i tried to put aside all sad feelings n pretended it was a normal session
yet there was this constant reminder tt it's my last time
laz time talking n jokin n playing games with mentees in classrooms
going broadrick
the countless times we played bingo, murderer, card games, charades
had fake msn convos on paper, dicussed our sch probs, studies, chinese names
i'll miss every bit of it
these sessions made me happy every wk, sth i looked forward to
it made me relaxed
it made me unstd my mentees n fellow mentors more
i'll miss u guys!
the letter i wrote was wat i cld nv say out....
wanna say i really luv interact, my homegrp, my jnrs' enthu-ness and innocence, my mentees.

they always say dun be afraid to say i love u
so i am gonna be brave n say i luv u guys loads!~

i realise i'm qt dumb
i act told my jnrs nt to call me hildaa
but now all of them do
so embarassin!
esp along corridors, someone goes hildaaaaaa
hides-
my frens all noe alr lo
it's was bad enuff with the exco calling me tt now the jnrs too
oh man!
:(

evn got ppl suggest me to change name to hildeh
faints-

nowadaes going fer so many remedials till i feel so tired out
only haf myself to blame i suppose

musicfest tt day was fun
with geri, went fer artery launch
gorged on the food there, waited anxiously to get musicfest tix from lucky draw
gave up then went parkway kfc fer dinner
yums cheese fries
then ran in the rain to pt
helped geri sneak in
the performances were cool!!!
wished i had went laz yr too
saw lots of ppl tt went too
like chang wei, gary, kend, jw, eric, su e, von, joyce, the list goes on
hahs
an event of the yr :)

wishing upon a star at...|7:57 PM|

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