A poem: The Interview With God
I dreamt I had an interview with God.
"So you would like to interview me? God asked.
"If you have the time," I said.
God smiled, "My time is eternity. What questions do you have in mind for me?"
"What surprises you most about humankind?"
God answered...
"That they get bored with childhood,
they rush to grow up, and then
long to be children again.
That they lose their health to make money...
and then lose their money to restore their health.
That by thinking anxiously about the future.
they forget the present,
such that they live neither
the present nor the future.
That they live as if they will never die,
and die as though they had never lived."
God's hand took mine
and we were silent for a while.
And then I asked...
"As a parent, what are some of the life's lessons you want your children to learn?"
"To learn that they cannot make anyone love them.
All they can do is let themselves be loved.
To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others.
To learn to forgive
by practising forgiveness.
To learn that it only takes a few seconds
to open profound wounds in those they love,
and it can take many years to heal them.
To learn that a rich person is not one who has the most,
but is one who needs the least.
To learn that they are people who love them dearly,
but simply have not yet learned how to express or show their feelings.
To learn that two people can look at the same thing
and see it differently.
To learn that it is not enough that they must forgive one another,
but they must also forgive themselves."
"Thank you for your time," I said humbly.
"Is there anything else you would like your children to know?"
God smiled and said.
"Just know that I am here....always."
- author unknown
got this off the book i am reading currently
the book is not a christian book
but rather a chick flick
but it sure impresses and touches me with this poem.
suddenly reality hits me
i have really convocated and graduated
and went thru a span of 3 years in NTU
oh gosh!
sitting at the audi yest while waiting for ur name to be called
memories gushed back
i recalled orientation days of nbs n hall foc
rmb nights of stayin up in frens' rooms to chat and play games
the countless suppers
the times i complained abt how studying accounting is gonna kill me
and times when i envied my roomies when their marketing and finance stuff looks a whole load more fun than mine
hahas
zipping in and out of fal
and the many times i wished can a was a whole load nearer to nbs
grumbling abt how far away the nearest bus stop is
and sudd i am out of ntu already!
sucha weird feeling
no longer gonna be spoonfed alr
as the speaker said, it was time to live up to the responsibility of educated men and women to live the good life
and that sounds like a whole big difficult task
can i just whine abt how horrible my stage photo looks
oh gosh
was quite disappointed that my wish din come true
but nevertheless i will get over it
tomorrow at 6pm will be THE convocation!
it will be the time where i walk across the stage for a "moment of glory"
and say my last goodbyes to NTU, to my 15 years of education
oh gosh sounds like a whole big deal
i am kinda having mixed feelings
while i feel it's just simply a ritual
i also kinda feel kinda nervous n excited abt tml
cox i am gonna take photos and put on that gown for the first time
oh gosh i am sudd in love with my gown n hood
the graduation bear they are selling is so damn cute!!!
i want it!
but it's so expensive!!!
they are like selling it for $58
super daylight robbery
sighz
i wish i wish i could get it
anw today had a fun time after work
met the TOH family
i sat pillion on wy's bicycle
we went chomp pang to have nasi lemak and had a simple cake cutting bdae celeb for jy
then off to safra yishun to have one bowling game
and ended with a shared macs meal at northpoint
they totally give me the entire yishun experience la
i feel so heartlander
hahas
but they are real fun to hang out with
as for the bicycle part, abit scary at first
but i tink wy very poor thing, has to fetch me everywhere, carrying 2 ppl's load
hahas
i doubt i will have many ppl to take photos with
i am kinda antisocial in my faculty
ahhhh
:(
still abit emo abt nt being able to take photos with everyone part
but wells... i'll get over it
after working at ntu the last 2 days
i started feeling the excitement of convocation
lotsa balloons, flowers and graduation bears
the smell of excitement in the air
as parents dressed up to the nines, with little kids and grannies n grandpas in tow
the entire family out just to congratulate a recently gowned one
many happy smiles, photographs taken to capture a significant moment in life
although it's hard for me to see why everyone seems so overhyped now
cox really to me, it seems more like a ritual than anyth
but i guess when thurs comes, i will also prob be as eager as they are
hopefully....
maybe cox i am the last child... seeing my siblings go thru the same process seems to have dulled my senses already hahas
suddenly i wish so much that my friends will be with me when i wear the grad gown on thurs
sighz
if only we can all graduate tog
but the muffins all graduate at different years and also different ceremonies
i prob wun even meet joyce and suez that day
am so sianz just thinking abt it
current wish:
for all muffins to be at convo tog with me (which is qt impossible)
a beanbag to lounge ard at home/ RED chair (featured below)
oh gosh, has been eyeing this chair for ages....
though nt sure where it can be bought at
sighz
can anyone get it for me for my bdae? pretty please....
God really works in mysterious ways
today i re-met a friend who i haven spoken to for quite a while ever since Sunday School which i attended in JC
or rather both of us have seen each other ard church
but never really talked
till today
we had a short conversation only durin breakfast
but i felt happy
that i met this friend again
but the unfortunate part is she is going for exchange in Beijing for the TCM course
a few weeks back, i also re-met another church fren, who was back on a visit and afterwhich went back to Australia resume her studies again
sudd am meeting people who i haven spoken for qt some time and making me see them again in a different light, making me being able to talk to them more than how i used to be able to
maybe it's cox i am attending church more regularly
or maybe i am opening up more
sometimes God just bring certain people back into our lives again
am glad to have a second chance to speak to them
and at least know how their lives have moved on since i last saw them
it's amazing how he works in our lives
thank God!
maybe he is telling me to cherish the people ard me more
and to care for others more
afterall we dun always get 2nd chances to meet certain people once more
anw yest was ken's biggg bdae celeb!
it was really fun!
more of entertaining ourselves at his expense
we had suan thai buffet
then we dolled him up with our makeup from eyeliner, eyeshadow, nail polish, lip stick to blusher
he became the "prettiest" guy ard
am glad he is so brave!
not "hum" as he prev said he would be
in fact, i tink he got too engrossed in the role that he went ard trying to attract people's attention and almost giving some passerbys too much of a shock
he became so much of a spectacle that when he was asked by us to go buy turkish ice cream
a whole huge crowd gathered just to watch him
totally like some Gotcha filming or sth
hahas
we then sent him up in the Gmax reverse bungee
which i seriously am freaked out just watching people take the ride
no idea how he summoned all his courage to take it considering how much food he consumed before the ride
he was accompanied by 2 foreigners from Netherlands
who were totally very sporting and were very nice towards us
hahs
then off to Hooters for the last part of the night
played the drinking game which totally made me groggy
and i realised i really have low alcohol tolerance
super hard to focus after like some sips of Kirin beer
had to struggle a little to concentrate on the game
as well as walk properly
my bro told me i was an embarassment to him when i told him abt it
considering the fact that he was a bartender before
which is exactly how it shld be rite, i mean cox he is protective and aware of the alcohol effects, that is why i got low tolerance ma
no meh?
ahhas
oh wells he jus totally say i very dui lian
:X
in any case, had loads of fun laughing at ken's antics!
suffered the next morn
cox had a hard time staying awake at morning worship at church
anw tml will be off to work for 3 hrs at ntu
then facial!
forgot to put this up last week
last sun, was chatting with two frens from church
then one was saying abt how disheartened she felt as she could not help a patient to return to his job as a taxi driver due to numbness in his face as she could not obtain the doctor's consent
as a physiotherapist, there is little she can do for him
she started asking why God allowed it to happen
another fren started doing her teaching attachment at a school
and feel overwhelmed as she is pretty much left by herself at coping and her mentor does not provide sufficient guidance in teaching her how to carry out the syllabus
her weariness shows as she spoke
then after that chat, was singspiration
the chairman of that session happened to choose this song
which i thot was really apt
sometimes God really works in mysterious ways
was thinking this song is really very suitable to soothe our wounds and remind us to reach out to God in times of weariness and despair
here goes:
"Reach Out To Jesus"
Is your burden heavy as you bear it all alone?
Does the road you travel harbour danger yet unknown?
Are you growing weary in the struggle of it all?
Jesus will help you when on His name you call.
He is always there hearing every prayer,
Faithful and true, walking by our side,
In His love we hide all the day through.
When you get discouraged,
Just remember what to do -
Reach out to Jesus,
He's reaching out to you.
Is the life you're living filled with sorrow and despair?
Does the future press you with its worry and its care?
Are tired and friendless, have you almost lost your way?
Jesus will help you, just come to Him today.
yest nite was fun!
:)
sneaking ard to make sure the surprise was not spoiled!
making ur loved ones happy really makes my mood lifts!
alone trips on the mrt and bus are done everyday
sometimes i get so lost in my thoughts that i forget where i am
some memories just rush back so quickly and vividly that i end up almost in tears
but every time is a different experience
what i see and hear on every trip reminds me of different things
when i sometimes see a couple, i think of u or you
whether similar or different, no matter what happens, u and you will always be special to me
the familiarity of being in a r/s hits me and for that moment, i wish i was not alone
i miss the feeling of being loved and loving someone yet i cherish the freedom i have now
so ironic isn't it?
it's so strange how i feel strong yet weak at the same time
strong and independent as i always wanted to be
but yet also lonely and vunerable
there is no longer anyone i can just hug and cling onto
and call my own
the times i miss u most is when i am feeling unwell like when i have a headache or having cramps
when i have to apply the eye bags lotion
when i am abt to slp and realise no one is gonna call me and wish me gdnite princess
when no one is gonna buy me xin fu bubble tea
when no one is gonna keep the care bears tucked into bed
when no one is gonna tickle my nose
when no one is gonna tell me if my hair or outfit looks nice
when no one is gonna eat all my fav food with me (my ichibans, my buffets etc)
when the only person who could touch my hair without my permission is gone....
the emptiness just remains...
i must be the hardest person to be with
it must be so hard to love me
i think it's all bcox
i just dunno how to love enough
deep within me, i somehow feel that this holiday is gonna be the most important phase in my life
a time of learning and a time of growth
a time of self-discovery
a time i learn to love myself before i can gain more strength to love others
a time to be a better me
to be more self-reliant
to be more worthy of anyone's love
i want to prove it to myself
that i can do things on my own
i can drive myself
i can earn my own keep
i can take care of myself
i can live my life to the fullest
i keep my days pretty occupied
maybe that way, i wun have time to stop to think
i know myself, i am too much of a thinker
if i keep thinking so much, i will turn back and regret my decisions
happy~
today finally got past my 1st stage of driving!
woohoo!
and my instructor says i have improved!
finally can use 4th gear le
hahas
:)
lotsa outings coming up recently!
so funny, thurs where i am not free, everyone ended up being very free
got asked by 3 different grp of frens to go out on thurs nite
hahas everyone free at the time i not free
sianz
yest met reen!
everytime i meet her, i always feel alot more refreshed after a long chit-chat with her
love her to bits!
today met up with jor and kaiyang
very long nv talk to them alr!
had ichiban and ate lotsa sushi!
looking forward to everyday recently
not sure why
maybe cox i am piling everyday with things to occupy myself
driving lessons are getting more challenging yet fun
also am gonna meet frens whom i haven seen for ages but lotsa stuff unconfirmed too
cox everyone's so busy except for me
hahas
22/07: driving lesson + TTT + FTR + surprise! (maybe)
23/07: driving lesson + TTT
24/07: YP +muffins' outing!
25/07: church! photo taking with suez n joyce!
26/07: work, jor's bdae!
27/07: work
28/07 :work + (maybe) cycling with wy to chomp chomp for supper!
29/07: convocation!
30/07: work
01/08: YP + (maybe) meeting christine n juliana!
02/08: final theory test! + send-off (GJ) +wei's bdae!
03/08: driving lesson
04/08: driving lesson + (maybe) ktv with wy n jy
05/08: driving lesson + watch movie with mummy
06/08: driving lesson + family photoshoot at SB
07/08: YP!
08/08: jie jie's wedding!!
after that, yet to have planned anyth
hahas
ask me out!
work has been fun, esp since the colleagues that i am hanging out with are mainly part timers
and pretty funny and nice ppl!
we have been camwhoring with the camera since 2 of them are in charge of taking the photos for the alumni membership
human traffic is pretty slow so most of the time, we are slacking ard doing nth
hahas i know many ppl are actually envious of my job
since it's pretty much nth to do
esp cox we are only there to help promote the alumni membership package
only have to ans questions regarding the free photo package that goes with it
so cant do any of our own package sales
which means no commission and prob lower salary
but oh wells, my basic is sufficient for me alr!
tml will be a long work day from 9am to 9pm
hopefully not too tiring
might be hanging out with them after work for supper!
:)
yays
anw today i signed up for the package with sb
the boss there is super weird
he ask me why i sign up with them
i so wanted to tell him none of his biz
he thinks i am a spy
like seriously so bullshit
he prob just wan me to badmouth my own co to boost his own ego
was super pissed
i said so u implying me to decline my order
then he just said no no no of cox not....
i am a consumer after all
it's just as simple as diff studio serve diff needs
i seriously tink he shld just accept my order and be happy abt it
gosh
it's simply bcox i dun wan to take so many pics like indiv shots that my own co is giving
then he ask me why nv work fer them
which i am so glad i am not
his workers are super impolite and got attitude prob
they kept staring at me
and giving that kind of bu shuang face
i mean like we are just all working for ppl... got such a need to show this kind of face onot
totally cannot stand it
super feel like retracting my order
they totally spoil my day! very sad
at first i got super good impression of them de lor
cox of ken they all...
am alot more perked up today!
cox i got another new instructor
who is a whole loads nicer than yest's one
or maybe just more reassuring
and my footwork is alot better now
yays!
though there are still many times that i will go "oh shit!"
cox i either stopped at the line too early or overshot it
or cox i was so scared i would hit the kerb while turning
hahas
which din happen la cox the instructor will prob jam his brakes before i even tried
anw today learnt abt sharp left turns! filter lanes! and did alot more practising of braking and gear adjustment cox i lamented abt my horrible driving skills the prev day
i feel that i have improved!
but then i am like super slow in learning
one day only do 1 subject
and there are like 33 subjects!!
how to finish in 20-25 lessons?
omg!
but then as my brother said he would rather i learn super slowly and get it right then to do it faster but go ard being a dangerous hazard
oh wells...
kinda sad that i missed watching the world cup finals
cox can see the newspapers still blaring abt it
yet i have absolutely no clue wat they talking abt
kinda ironic
watched almost every single match for the entire wc season
yet i missed the finals
hahas
was just too sleepy
just have to wait.....another 4 years.... boo.....
tml and the next few days will be working at ntu during gown collection period
long hours agn .....
anw sudd realised that next week will be convo alr!
omg so soon!
and sun is jie jie's "meet the relatives and invite them to the wedding" day....
i was so depressed and stressed out after driving lesson today
it's lesson no 4 by the way
but i totally CMI
sighz
freaked out like crazy
kept stalling and forgetting the footwork
so troublesome have to check blindspot and everyth
sighz feel like giving up
but then the thot of so many ppl before me being able to master it, then why cant i?
makes me feel useless and feel like coaxing myself back into putting more effort into learning and having more confidence in myself
it's really tough! must keep remembering wat to do and yet staying focused at the same time
so tiring...
shld i really change to auto?
but i abit reluctant
feel that must hang in there!
luckily the movie despicable me that i caught with the gals (juliana, huey ying, amanda n li ji) cheered me up lots!
we watched it in 3d too
and took some photos in our funky 3d glasses
ohhhs anw yest watched eclipse with kor kor
the show wasn't as exciting as i thot
or maybe cox i read the book alr
so kinda predicted most stuff
lost the "woah" factor
but i still love jacob more n more!
:P
it's strange how contradicting it gets
when u're too free with nth to do, u wish u got stuff to do n be occupied with
cox somehow it makes u feel that life is mor fulfilling that way
but yet when u get busy and have to rush ard
u kinda feel tired and wish that there is more free time to spare
anw today is the first day of work at smu
pretty boring
but quite slack considering the pay
hahas
the only downside is the long hours of standing
smu convo only has 1 ceremony!
omg
din know their numbers are that small
oh anw after work, met mummy for dinner and shopping
while waiting for her to come to meet me, bought this lovely pair of slip-ons flats
to replace my ballet flats
cox they are kinda wearing out le
the new flats look super similar to the heels i bought from taiwan
but then i am in love with the knotted silk material design
that no matter how many i buy of them, i still tink they look nice
awwwww....
and also mummies bought lipstick
and also got me 4 bottles of super nice mineral eyeshadow
which is so easy to apply
and versatile
can be used as eyeshadow, lipstick, blusher and nail polish!
coolz rite
haas
but super ex too
hahas
make-up is so expensive!
haix.
i wan to watch eclipse and despicable me!!
:)
my first driving lesson was on tues!
was super scared
but it turned out really fun
only stalled the engine like once or twice
which my instructor said was really good for a beginner
but then i realised why the saying goes that a person cannot be praised
my 2nd lesson yest was quite chui
stalled like 3 or 4 times
sighz
i find it so much harder to steer well around bends than to act control the clutch
there is just so much to rmb n look at, so much eye-hand-leg coordination
keeppressing onto the clutch till my left leg sometimes cramp
hahas
in time, i tink my left leg will have some muscles budging!
i have really no sense of judgment
i cant determine where to turn, and how much to turn
so far still stuck at 2nd gear and still learning to turn at slightly steeper bends
the worst part of all, whenever i ask my instructor how shld i know when to do this or that,
he goes "use ur FEELINGGG! driving is all FEELING!"
:(
anw according to the instructor, if i am good today in my 3rd lesson, i will get to go to the roads!
woohoo!
sounds super scary though
hahs the roads are really like stepping into a lion's lair
am super not happy today!
cox my beloved germany got bullied by spain
went to bed in a huff!
hmph!!!!!
tml will be working at SMU if nothing goes wrong...
am so so tired now
cox have been sleeping quite little
am quite worried abt the eyebags and dark eye rings problems
sighz
i thot i will never have to worry abt it esp since alr not stayin in hall le
hahas
let's see
fri was the deloitte zouk party which was a real bore
the people all knew each other there
and it was too hard for me to really see any familiar faces
got introduced to a few seniors when i initiated convo
but it was so difficult to talk esp since the place is so noisy
i could hardly decipher their names
left in less than an hour
then it was off to willy's bdae celeb!
willy looked so cute and super duper funny in bunny ears hahas
by the time we went home was abt 2am alr
super upset cox i rmb staying awake for the 2.30am game till the 85th min and by the time i woke up, it was alr the end of the entire game
so sianz
which meant that i missed the most exciting part of it which were the penalty shots
:(
sat afternoon was spent at sembawang park since YP was having activity day
where we could invite our friends to play games
it was fun!
was quite surprised that i enjoyed it so much considering that i really dunno much ppl
we played 3 games:
1) captain's ball
we played this twice
first time i try being guard
coolz!
2) touch rugby which was actually more like tag rugby cox each person had like 2 tags attached to the waist and the opponents were supposed to "tag" u by pulling away ur tags
3) slipper game which actually poison ball with the opponent trying to hit u with the ball while u try to build up a slipper tower while avoiding the ball
haven ran so much in ages
although i still feel awkward at times cox i din exactly grew up in church whereas most of them did
so kinda hard to assimilate myself in so quickly
but it was really fun which i find it so shocking considering i dun really like ball games
hahas
i guess it's cox ppl there are not really so competitive
and i tink i am so gonna invite friends the next time we have activity day!
i know ur will enjoy it de
although most people there are younger than me
and the rest ard our age are already like youth leaders in charge of the younger ones
the night was spent watching soccer with guojun, ken and zk
hahs
lovely match!
germany really trashed their opponents~
coolz!
stayed up to watch the 2.30am match at home
woke up at 8am to go for church
so tired!!!
slept like only 3 hrs only
i forgot to say that i cut my hair on wed!
actually supposed to be model for my hairdresser's exam
but then my hair nt long enuff for that particular style
so wells i ended up getting my own haircut by another hairdresser
she totally made me look different!
although duno in a good or bad way
i kinda can't recognise myself sometimes
so weird
must be all that red hair plus new hairstyle
yupz
anw have been having weird dreams
must be too nervous abt later
cox i am going alone!
super duper scared!
studying for final theory is so hard!!
i am reading only the first 20 pages and i am already lost!
sighz i kinda regret being so complacent and wanting to take manual
the clutch n accelerator pedal control seems to be difficult to manipulate
and it's gonna be worse for me esp since i got no eye-hand-leg coordination
there seems to be so many things to do and rmb all at one time
i will just have to comfort myself now that it is cox i have not tried them in practice
and when i do my practical lessons next week, maybe it will be much easier to comprehend than simply reading it from the book
and by reassuring myself that many have done it before me and succeeded
why can't it?
maybe i will just prob require more lessons and practice
practice makes perfect rite?
i think i would need buckets of courage and persistence too
anw feeling super sian
since my fren pangseh me for tml's deloitte party
i really dun feel like going there alone
will look like a total loner
but then to look on the positive side of it
it will really force me to talk to people that i do not know
instead of sticking to familiar faces
oh wells
let's hope it really works out well
i know i will see some familiar faces from sch i guess
but just not close enuff to talk
If I turn back time...
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