SoLiLoQuy

Sunday, November 28, 2010

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It is so amazing that everytime i feel disheartened and alone
God never fails to pick me up and remind me of his great love and concern for me
how he always watches over me
and will deliver me from my afflictions in his own timing and according to his sovereignty
he doesn't promise christians a life of happiness, free of tears
he doesn't promise christians a life so smoothsailing, free of troubles
BUT he promises me and all other believers a friend and a saviour in those times of sorrow & pain

it's so wonderful that this time when i feel alone and troubled
by everything in my life
he reminds me through his mysterious ways that he is still watching over me

1. Through my reading of the word during my quiet time

"The Lord is the strength of my life." Psalm 27:1
how he reminds me that we should make him the gravitational centre of our lives

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."
he tells me to depend on him, to trust in him and not always be stubbon and ignore his words

2. Through the message during worship today where the speaker speaks on the trust in God

"Taste and see that the Lord is good, blessed is the man who takes refuge in him." Psalm 34:8
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18
"A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all." Psalm 34:19
he tells me he is always close to me and gives me hope, reminding me that he will deliver me through my troubles

3. Through talking to my church friend about relationships
rina shared with me about how a korean missionary was praying for a partner while she was serving the community in cambodia and how her criteria for a partner was almost impossible to fulfill in those circumstances
e.g. to find a fellow korean in a cambodian environment, one who is willing to serve god in cambodia with her
it may sound impossible to find such a person
but God works in such mysterious ways
that her prayer was answered

I need to have more faith in you!!
to believe and trust in you
that you will always be watching over me
and working in my life in own mysterious ways
your great love i can never fully comprehend
to love such an imperfect child like me

i know i am the most stubborn and rebellious child of God
but i thank you for never forsaking me
and loving me still as your own
i am the lost sheep, once lost but now am found
and forever will be yours

wishing upon a star at...|4:00 PM|

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Saturday, November 27, 2010

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working 3 days till 9pm consecutively!
i am a slave to work now
sighz i asked daddy and mummy isit worth it
and i wondered...
will i get more pay in the future?
will i be happy with what i have achieved?
or would i have gone down a different route, one with more regular working hours and more time to spend with friends and family?
i always comforted myself by saying it's a stepping stone to be able to earn more, achieve more and it is better to be a more taxing job now than when i am older and can no longer do so
i am learning everyday
by looking at so many documents i have never seen more
all the SWIFT messages, FOREX trades, different process workflows within the companies that i have been so far
but yet i dun ever seem to understand the full meaning of them
i wonder what my future will be like
alone and lonely, only with work to keep me company?

how isit that even with friends, the loneliness doesn't go away
it only decreases a little with their company
maybe increases abit more when u see how they seem so happy with their partners
and then the emptiness hits back at u even harder when u are alone once more after ur friends have gone

i hate the feeling of hunger nowadays

i hate the feeling of fatigue

i hate the feeling of loneliness

wishing upon a star at...|11:08 AM|

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Friday, November 26, 2010

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tired!!!
been working late recently
till almost 9 everyday
sighz
haven been eating well too
i guess tt explain the frequent stomachaches
daddy scolded me, say wat if get gastric how
i tink i alr got gastric lo
anw my skin condition is really bad too
my skin gets dry and itchy all the time
super uncomfortable
in total chui state

i feel that i am not a good friend at all
i am not funny
i am not very caring
i duno how to be a better fren to others
sighz

wishing upon a star at...|12:13 AM|

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Saturday, November 20, 2010

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我们就站在落地窗的两边
就算触碰也有了界限
如果跨越过彼此那道边界
是靠近还是更遥远

wishing upon a star at...|1:17 PM|

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soooo tired!
been rushing my work this whole week
am soo slow!
been working on the MAS 610 workpaper for 3 days plus
putting in quite long hours for it somemore
it's never ending!!
my AM who said i was usually fast in completing my work, was wondering how come i took so long to complete it
cox she wanted me to help her with some more stuff
stayed back 2 late nights during the week and cabbed home
plus brought back lotsa work to do
was like staying in office to do work on the holiday eve
so sians
the public holiday right smack in the middle of the week made us had to chiong even more jus so that we can finish by friday
shagged

tonite was the AGM for the recreational club at the arena at clarke quay
basically everyone only went bcox
it was 10 bucks for buffet dinner + free flow of drinks
everyone was like drinking like mad
i spent my time people watching and seeing ppl get drunk
felt that sudd it was all so meaningless
everyone was just spamming the drinks and gettin each other drunk
so weird
luckily the friends ard me were still very sensible
we drank only a little
the volka lime really made me feel quite bloated now
and a little nauseous
sighz
the gals who were drunk behaved quite badly too
like there was one who kept on wanting to slap people
and another who kept on slumping onto the guys who tried to help her
i tried to help too
but their strength is very huge esp when they are drunk
i wonder why
so so tired now
overwhelmed by work and watever i saw tonight
it just bothers me that people enjoy drinking so much, beyond their limits
:(

wishing upon a star at...|12:34 AM|

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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

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have been doing work non-stop since morning
really tired
just dun quite understand what i am doing
so am taking a super long time to do it
sighz
been cabbing the entire day
once from office to client's place
then from client's place back to office in the evening
and from office back home at night
i start to tink cab drivers can really earn quite abit
it was soo hard to call for a cab during peak hours!!!
even though wendy and i used the iphone app and calling the hotlines respectively
we could not get the cab to office for almost half an hour!
oh gosh
and cab fares are so expensive!!
office to home cost 15 bucks alr!
:(

i start to feel the lack of social life
i feel like i got no friends
my friends all seemed to be caught up in their own lives, just like me
i feel lonely at times
i know they will always be there for me
but somehow when i need a hug or someone to care for me
i jus duno who to turn me
we dun really contact each other on a frequent basis
it's sth like i know they are there yet they can't be physically there
so complex
so i comfort myself by telling myself that i have friends yet at the same time, i feel like i got no friends
i sound like i am talking rubbish
oh gosh

it must be the work getting to me
am darn tired

i need some love
hahas

wishing upon a star at...|1:14 AM|

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Thursday, November 11, 2010

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tml is dnd!
yays excited!
gonna wear my jc prom dress
hopefully it's not too formal

anw have been having lunch with my A11s this week since i am kinda alone at suntec with them
luckily there is another engagement team at suntec tower 2, so both teams' A10s n A11s will lunch tog
still feel kinda awkward ard them
kinda scary to talk too much ard them cox the A11s have sucha widespread network
they OC (Office Communicator) each other abt the littlest things we say
like eg the time i came in too early to client's place like abt 845am
the next day everyone knew abt it
cox my A11 tell the others abt it
the thing is my official working hrs is 830 to 530 wat
and the news going round is hilda came in too early for work, client's place was closed, she's so cute!
oh gosh so paiseh....

we had some last min training at office today from 6 to 7pm
so all of us cabbed down from the various clients' offices back to office for training
so sianz

wishing upon a star at...|11:59 PM|

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Monday, November 08, 2010

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last sat wasn't as bad as i thot
we had the A10-A11 outing at sentosa!!
it was in fact pretty fun
it's exceptional for me to say this considering how unsporty and non-outdoorsy i am
hahas
anw a few of my batchmates met up for lunch first at long john's
then off to sunny island to play ball
we applied like tons of sunblock
cox the gals are all worried abt getting burnt esp since dnd is like this coming fri
hahas
we played frisbee, captain's ball n volleyball!
act i tink i played mostly captain's ball
i sux at ball games
but it was really quite fun
everyone was really like nice, in the sense like not super competitive
so will pass to each other
i hate those games where only the good players get the ball
then ppl like me end up feeling super like burdens
although i still have butter fingers and lousy ball -throwing skills
at least i din feel totally useless
did enjoy myself to my own surprise
:)
got a scratch on my wrist though
ugly alr :(
hahs
then we ended up looking all ard vivo for places tt could fit all of us for dinner
there were abt 20 of us in total
super hard to find seats
ended up at most original burger (MOB)
it's not bad
i got to eat 3 mini burgers with diff flavours and chilli cheese fries!
yums!
we tried to interact with the A11s
so since our table is a super long table
we took 1 row while the A11s took the other row facing us
so that at least we would talk to each other
instead of sticking to our own batch
:)

i feel that the outing was successful!
at least i can say hi to more ppl now
i used to only know them by names and walk past them w/o acknowledging them
but now at least we would smile and say hi
happy!
makes working life abit more cheery

my current client's staff are quite nice!
they are quite helpful!
thank goodness

wishing upon a star at...|11:14 PM|

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Friday, November 05, 2010

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happy birthday to me yest!
hahas my forever 21!
:P
it was kinda nice even though i spend the day working
cox my snr was really nice, told me i cld leave early
the thing was she din even noe it's my bdae
but of cox i din leave early
since i had to wait till the muffins could meet me
everyth happened so coincidentally
i even had time to slack by having tea at downstairs pantry with branson
spent like an hr plus chatting while doing work
hahas
and people just came up to me and wished me
prob shows how powerful fb is hahahs
felt quite xin fu

but was rather tired
working everyday just tires u out gradually
no matter how long i slp, it never seems to be enuff
but was in a really good mood!
:)

everyone was really really nice to me!!
thanks for the well wishes whether in person, sms, notes left on table or fb
thanks for the meal treats, little gifts, mini-celebrations, the cakes and the dinners!
ate cake till i am abit scared of cake now
loved the 3 flavours i had so far, nutella from polar, mango from bakerzin and my yearly must-have, the prima deli choc fudge cake
i tink for family, i am gonna ask mummy to get durian puffs!
hahas i tink i will stay off cakes for a while
feeling super sinful!!!

for lunch, the colleagues celebrated at hatchi tei
though not everyone could make it, cox most of us are out of office and all over spore
but glad most tried their best to come from all over raffles place
thanks guys!

loved the bdae celeb by muffins yest
cox was quite surprised yet paiseh of the appearance of the cake with the song by the live singers
hahas
an atas dinner though!
thanks for the treat and cake!
and the blusher of cox! it really highlights my cheekbones! tried it today...

today's work was stressful for me
though not difficult
anw next 2weeks will be at a french bank i tink
at suntec!

wishing upon a star at...|12:10 AM|

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Monday, November 01, 2010

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i dun like the little green monster within me
i always wanted to the be the one and only
but that can only happen in the past
i gave it up
so i shall have no right to complain
i will just have to face up to it

He is slow to anger and abounding in love
how he love me so much, i can never comprehend
i only wish i can love everyone as much as he does
so selfless, so forgiving and so compassionate

i want too many things!
too much food, too much friends, too much love
nothing is ever enuff for me

i am sooo tired today
spent the entire day printing documents for my snr
:(
boring and tedious
this week is the last week i will be free labour!
from next wk onwards, i am worth $165 per hr!
muahahas
and i earn peanuts compared to how much my co charge the client per hr for me
sighz
:(

wishing upon a star at...|9:39 PM|

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