Sometimes I wonder why we are worlds apart yet there is still this nagging thought at the back of my head
Am glad I bought this new book at eudokia, my church's book shop..it is called dating and waiting... Really gives me a new perspective on single hood!
wishing upon a star at...|11:36 PM|
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Sunday, January 22, 2012
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I Duno when I started doing stuff I thought I would never do:
Facial
Drinking Starbucks
Buying branded bags
Manicure
Massage
Perming my eyelashes
Haix am becoming vain hahaha
wishing upon a star at...|11:04 PM|
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Tuesday, January 17, 2012
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I feel zombie-ish today
Really very sleepy and tired...
Anw me n Jeanie went to perm our eyelashes tog! Flutter flutter!
wishing upon a star at...|1:45 PM|
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Monday, January 02, 2012
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Why do people only treasure what they have only after it is lost?
Haix
Why does the right person appear at the wrong time?
Why does one not realize their feelings until after the right person has gone by?
The ways of this world is so hard to understand
wishing upon a star at...|7:27 PM|
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Saturday, December 31, 2011
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Today is a happy day! Went jb with muffins!! Spent every penny I had! Bought shoes and ate loads!
I need koi to end my year well but they ran out of pearls sighhh
Am so happy for Joyce that she found a good guy! Envious!!
wishing upon a star at...|10:02 PM|
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Wednesday, December 21, 2011
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There is no right person... It is only a matter of how much effort u are willing to make him or her the right one...
wishing upon a star at...|11:10 PM|
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Sunday, November 20, 2011
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I am so grateful for the Christian support from my friends
Somehow their fellowship are a breeze of fresh air to me
Recharging me for the week
Sometimes at the end of a long and tiring week
I retire to church and feel myself getting a surge of energy from their encouragement and sincere concern
Somewhere where I need not pretend to be strong
They may not know me for the longest but yet they know some of my deepest fears and feelings
Yet they do not judge
I really thank god for them
Of course I am thankful for my other friends too
I often feel that I am a loner
And often need constant company from others
To feel the sense of worth and purpose
Been feeling a sense of aimlessness
Not sure where the future will lead to
But have been very encouraged by my dear sisters namely selene, joanna, Rina and Wei Lin
I will wait upon him and seek him more each day
wishing upon a star at...|10:54 PM|
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Monday, November 14, 2011
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Some words u regret saying
And yet can't take back
But yet if u don't say
U will regret not saying
What an irony
Ahh got used to working late I guess
Maybe even kinda immune
Makes me lose all sense of time
And forget all other things
wishing upon a star at...|11:22 PM|
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Saturday, November 12, 2011
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Read this on an ebook: if a person cannot answer directly to your question, the answer is probably too painful for you to know or too difficult for him to admit..
wishing upon a star at...|12:15 AM|
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Monday, November 07, 2011
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Recently am feeling very sad for my dear frens.... Like 3 of them have been hurt by indecisive guys..... Sigh
As they confide in me, my heart aches for them coz I feel their disappointment
They are all wonderful gals in their own ways.... I really hope they can find their Own happiness soon... Will b praying for them...
I really feel that every single person has their own battles to fight
Be it relationships, work or major decisions to make in life
After CEP sharing yest, I felt uncle Daniel's struggles
I can only hope that in time he will be able to make the decision best for his family and Aunty mich will get over the passing of her mother soon
Like what Aunty Wai fun said
We all have our place in life
In our secular work
I also believe that there is no spiritual work alone Bcox as long as u are doing it for the glory of god, it is spiritual work, hence much as I do not see how my work links to spiritual work, I still want to do my best for god...
DNd was just over!
Love dressing up as a schoolgirl again
Because it reminds me of the days when we could act very silly and naughty without any cares
Sheila's wedding was beautiful
It makes me want to get married too! Love the live band and the love that eludes out from the couple is so wonderful....awwww
I counted my blessings and realized I have much to b thankful for
I hv everyth I wan n all I need except a relationship
I have few friends but they are great n wonderful in their ways
Church frens, colleagues, muffins, nana, uni frens
I have a tolerant family who puts up with overbearing me
I have a job that I might not like but brings home suff dough
I have material goods like my iPhone, Prada bag, LV bag n Kate spade bag n Burberry wallet which I could only look upon last time but now can hold upon my hands
Things I never thot I can afford
I pray I do not lose myself In materialism
I have church commitments to put my spiritual gifts at work
I am truely blessed by god
I love this verse recently
'your word is a light upon my path and a lamp upon my feet'
May god continue to preserve me as I walk with him
I pray he teaches me his ways, guide me on my path n show me his will for me
wishing upon a star at...|11:20 PM|
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Sunday, October 30, 2011
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lotsa happenings recently! i got my iphone 4S! woohoo!! pretty! hahahas
then we went halloween at USS last week! lotsa fun! screaming our heads off! :)
have been busy busy busy! am really tired now lotsa work and lotsa church stuff to think about too
and this week is bdae week! yippeee!!
wishing upon a star at...|9:52 PM|
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Thursday, October 20, 2011
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been working myself hard! last 2 weeks was kay hian then this week working on the SFA checklist nv realised its importance till everyone starts asking from me for the most updated version guessed it's cox every engagement is gona require it for interims like what ryan keeps telling me, i shld really motivate myself to work hard!!
the lost pass issue is really bcuming a full blown issue everyday we rack our brains trying to find out possible avenues as to where it cld be tdy we even had to report the taxis we took so as to call the companies to ask if we dropped it in the cabs faints i really hope it wld be found soon i qt scared tt it's me who lost it the manager is like very serious abt finding out who is the one responsible for the loss sighzz i cant even rmb which pass is lost :(
everyone seems so stressed and overloaded with work jeanie, li ji, huey ying and shyong wei esp sighzz miss having everyone in office and going for breaks tog now breakfast and tea breaks are kinda a past affair i get so sick of sitting at my desk all day and typing furiously now that i got my own seat and am sitting in a tiny corner of office with the rest of the compliance team i feel kinda left out of the excitement cox the rest wld usually be sitting in the common area but then it doesn't hit me yet that much since most of the jiemeis are out of office on jobs at the moment
not really used to doing all these regulatory work or maybe it's cox i haven started it proper like going on compliance review jobs still doing mostly admin stuff like updating checklist and regulatory amendments i hope i will grow to like it more cox i am kinda regretting it alr
i sudd feel bored abt my life agn
wishing upon a star at...|10:39 PM|
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Sunday, October 02, 2011
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it's october already almost the end of the year so soon!
had a super lazy day today din go for church at all but went for lunch with family..
jus found out that kor kor went to consult some fortune teller using tarrot cards... faints he asked abt everyone in the family apparently the man says that my character is similiar to kor kor's fickle-minded he says i have no aim in life and i duno wat to do but i jus simply work and work for no purpose and my current paths in life is either to set up a business (be established in career) or to find a marriage partner and settle down and i can only choose one erms but then isn't all this wat i knew long ago alr? hahas
havin no expectations is good in a way this way the wave of disappointments wun hit so badly ignoring and going your own way is still the best call it denial but in the end u have to admit that sometimes pretending that u don't care is the best way of protecting yourself
wishing upon a star at...|2:18 PM|
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Saturday, October 01, 2011
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i am tired of being ridiculed...even if they are jokes cox the truth hurts i am tired of u picking on me cox i am just not strong enough
wishing upon a star at...|2:58 PM|
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Wednesday, September 21, 2011
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when i was watching the hk drama last nite there is this guy that said this to another gal "It doesn't matter what or how much he has done for you before. Whether it is due to his pride or his career, he has already made a choice and his decision. And you can never beat it or win it. If you persist in it, you will only end up hurting yourself." food for thought!
sigh tink tml and fri would have to be in office despite am on elearning sudden crop ups need to amend the error in the FS again quite a tedious process considering need to get back copies from HK, EY (tax), M&C(corp sect) very ma fan then still to endure some scolding from the typists agn before they will willingly amend n reprint for me then must rebind and pack nicely again argh lotsa admin work boohoo there goes my self-declared days off again!
wishing upon a star at...|12:56 PM|
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Tuesday, September 20, 2011
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terrible day today the whole day my stomach was aching in the end went to see the doc doc says i have high fever + gastric flu + urinary infection confusing! :( tml will be on mc at least i finally know what is wrong with my tummy hopefully the pain wun persist anymore after that
wishing upon a star at...|9:24 PM|
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Monday, September 19, 2011
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am watching tv now...the hk drama on channel u the male leads were saying "why is it so painful to be serious about someone u love?" so apt and true in our world today where eternal love seems to a forsaken concept
parents are worried abt my tummache cox it's getting qt frequent hmmm maybe i shld go see a doc?
been helping to prepare slides for a10 training today other than that, work at office today was pretty chill and tonight there is Man U VS Chelsea on channel 5! even though i already noe the score but still wana catch it on tv though am abit tired now already
i am on a credit card application spree now which is really bad! cox i applied like 5 credit cards in 2 months! ahhhhh terrible me cox i get attracted by all the different benefits they provide sighz need to control myself
i am quite excited abt my impending bdae! okies it's not exactly super soon yet but am thinking what to do i am gona be on leave! but then it's a weekday doubt anyone will be free and dun exactly know who will celebrate for me too i jus hope i wun spend it in a lonely way... i wan lotsa fun outings! must create a list of things i wan to do! hopefully will get to do some of them
1) universal studios 2) sentosa 3) east coast park (cycling/rollerblading) 4) marina barrage/font canning park/bottle tree park (picnic) 5) concert/musical
stomach abit pain pain :(
wishing upon a star at...|10:37 PM|
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Sunday, September 18, 2011
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stomach upsets getting more and more frequent always feeling an odd queasiness and like alot of bubbles popping around in my tummy it occurs especially at night when i am going to sleep and when i wake up in the morning after having breakfast... weirddd
anw onto a brighter note, yest nite was fun! met nana for dinner at a jap restaurant near guardian at citylink eating jap spagetti with chopsticks is a challenge... great time catching up with them it was a tough time trying to gather everyone so qt happy we finally met up we're kinda planning to watch wicked and also maybe have an overnight stayover in a singapore hotel one day soon.. hopefully these plans do work out needa do some research for good deals first then met muffins for supper! we went simpang bedok for custard buns, chicken wings n cheese fries and roti john then off to this hk cafe near ecp which was really good! super chillax listening to the chinese live band while sipping on bubble milk tea hahas we stayed up till 2 plus... was dead tired when i reached home abt 3am we should do it agn! missed those days where we often go for supper tog... hahas
somemore had to wake up at 8am this morning.. cox had morning worship then TOP meeting then CEP.... long day but it was a great discussion on sexual imorality and other church discipline issues kinda interesting views of what both genders do to avoid temptation....
feeling abit groggy now like half sleepwalking but otherwise a fruitful wkend!
i am so tired these days can't really sleep properly and keep having tummy discomfort
finally woke up today feeling much more refreshed happy that no need go to work today! yays! elearning is really boring though
yest was a mad rush last min found a mistake in the FS then had to delay the sending out of FS to client got scolded by typists cox they had to amend then rebind all copies of FS was kept on my toes the entire time when i reached home, whole body was aching badly feel like going for a massage :( i had to rub some oilment on my legs in the end to soothe the aches like some old lady liddat
anw cousin's wedding is cancelled sighzz long story but it does leave me feeling more jaded about relationships and marriages than ever seems like no decent guy can be trusted even those that look very trustworthy how come people dun value marriages and commitments highly anymore?
wishing upon a star at...|5:55 PM|
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Thursday, September 15, 2011
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stomachache! and i duno why it hurts :( feels uncomfortable
anw a supposedly relaxing week turns out quite shagged stayed till 7.30pm at work today sianz the entire office qt empty haix keep getting booked... mon was ja mitsui tdy was BR :(
anw we had uob meeting this morn seems like lotsa work lined up for us...
yest was great! lunch with mummy at bishan ambush then went JB in e afternoon! :) it was fun!! watched cars2 with potato wedges ate choc cheese crepe + tacho pachi + snow ice! shopped ard! buy 3 pairs of pretty earrings for RM15! ate jap sushi for dinner a fulfilling day! bought lotsa chewing gum too.... hehe let's do it agn soon!
wishing upon a star at...|12:00 AM|
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Sunday, September 11, 2011
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yaysie! the coming week is elearning week! so i am gona "legally" not go to work except for mon cox i want to try to catch my mentor to consult him regarding the compliance option thingy, hopefully he'll be ard and also wed cox will uobkh meeting in the morn cross my fingers n toes tt no one will looking for me the rest of the week so i can enjoy my unofficial week of leave! hehehee ask me out! cox i am free! a week of freedom before uobkh officially starts next wk, will there for 2 weeks for interims
tomorrow is mid autumn fest alr!
wishing upon a star at...|9:07 PM|
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having cramps today :( kinda painful.... luckily my TOP meeting was postponed.. wanna curl into a ball on my bed
wishing upon a star at...|3:21 PM|
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Thursday, September 08, 2011
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hey dear, this is for u i may have written a card to you separately but i tink i have more to tell you esp since i jus read ur blog when i read ur blog, i felt alittle like crying cox i feel ur pain and helplessness yet there is little i can do to relieve ur situation
many a times i feel the same way as u do i feel jaded, i feel confused why do marriages end? how can people who once loved each other deeply turn away from one another in a blink of an eye after their many years of courtship and marriage? do they still remember the vows they said? do they still recall the tender touch, the comforting hugs, the passionate kisses and the deep felt love they once gave and had for each other? do they still hold the precious memories they shared close to their hearts or have they dissipated with time and been replaced with hatred, misunderstandings and unforgiveness? will mistakes no longer be tolerated and things they once love about each other now become thorns in the flesh? sometimes i feel stupid too why i still want to believe that i can be loved and love in return when there is no one who can truely guarantee they can do the same for me all my life? but remember we have an one true love a perfect example of love even when it seems like there is no real life examples of love with so many failed examples ard us God presented himself as our perfect example We loved because he first loved us. (1 John 4:19)
i can never promise that the person u will be with in the future will never disappoint u nor hurt u but please do still believe in love because i believe that God has someone in mind for each of us it doesn't mean that if others have not succeeded that u will not succeed in your own it's a blessing to build up a christian family and to bring up your own children in the fear and fevor of God imagine what a sweet smelling incense it would be to our Lord
many of us are afraid of commitment because this world has taught us that nothing lasts forever but He has proven it wrong His love is eternal to be made in his likeness brings us to aspire to be more like him in nature as well likewise, we should aim to demostrate this love
i can never say i will truely understand how u feel, my dear gal but i can only promise you that i will pray for u pray that he will watch over u especially at ur darkest moments and accompany u during ur needful times if u need me, please feel free to call dun be afraid to break down and cry because letting it all out is really better than keeping it in all the time
putting up a front all day so that others may know u're alright is what we always do it's jus tt we never realise that it doesn't help because deep inside, we are still wishing someone will reach out and say i care, i really do understand and show that extra love to us so we end up hurting ourselves because we expect others to care for us when we dun allow them to come near or know what we are truely thinking
u're really a dear friend to me and a sister of christ that i hold close to my heart in fact u're there for me for most of the times i need someone to talk to u've been a great listener esp at times when i need to vent and someone i seek advice from afterall, we've been frens for 10 years already and i want to say you have inspired me in certain ways in recent years, you have made me want to walk closer to God and serve him in more areas esp since i see you happy in the areas u're serving God, in terms of choir, the teaching of students etc in the past, u have made me more motivated to keep my friends close, cox u often write little notes of encouragement to ur frens or prepare gifts for them... i have seen how God has transformed you and made you a woman of Christ in accordance to his will how u are willing to sacrifice ur personal time for him and serve him to build up his church therefore i believe that you can continue to be a vessel for him where you can be a blessing to the others around u like u have been to me....
i hope that this verse will continue to encourage u because whenever i feel weak, i remember this verse...
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
we are weak but our God is strong and even through our weaknesses, he can display his power through us i believe that he will continue to use u to touch others' lives hence may he be ur pillar of strength during this time as your comforter and your friend
love ya loads and will keep u in my prayers... a big hug from me to you...
wishing upon a star at...|10:08 PM|
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i remember a while ago i had this outburst at church as well as i had confided in some about my worries about my career i alwys had no idea what i wanted to do in my career and felt that i never had an option to choose what i really want to do i always thought i wanted to choose a compliance job in the future though i have no idea why i have such interest in it but i know deep within me whenever i do my audit engagements, i always wished i could be given the compliance portion of the audit
now that the opportunity presented itself it is so sudden and unexpected! i think God really knows what i am seeking for i prayed for open doors (in terms of career, relationships, church work etc) I think he really answers them in his own way and time in ways i least expected him to at least now for career and church work, i see His hand in these areas as some new opportunities are presenting themselves like what i have previously mentioned about the new committess I have joined in church (YAM, ABC, TOP) and now this opportunity at work has came
i think this option now is a blessing from God and a good chance to try out if this is really suitable for me in fact it allows me a preview of what to expect in compliance, rather then having to jump straight into the actual job in the future without knowing whether it'll be what i want however, i feel very skeptical and apprehensive cox i do not know if it will affect my performance appraisal and portfolio esp since next year is gona be my senior year and my promotion year to summarise the current situation, my senior manager has asked 4 of us (2 A11s including myself and 2 senior yr 2s) from my dept whether we would like to take up the option to do regulatory compliance work under my compliance director while doing lesser audit jobs cox currently my compliance director is working alone and she needs additional help as more jobs require compliance assistance due to the nature of the industry and services they provide i will still continue to keep my roles in kay hian and BR, jus that i prob have a smaller role to play in them i will have to stay at least 1 yr in this situation however i can choose to revert back to full time audit if i dislike the option at first i was quite worried it's a downward transfer cox recently there are a few people who were forced to transfer to another dept which is apparently a dumping ground as we are currently overstaffed at my dept but the senior manager and compliance head assured me that it's due to my portfolio that i am chosen due to my exposure to certain clients
Pros: - allow me more exposure to compliance which i have interest in, allow me to venture into something different - supposedly a shorter peak period since i will be taking on less audit jobs - can do less audit jobs which i dislike - better performance appraisal since i need to impress my compliance director mainly only - improve my resume since i will be supposedly more specialised, have a niche area - maybe i will finally find somthing that i like and discover a career that i want
Cons: - maybe more workload since not enough resources - possible that my portfolio when i become a senior will be filled with shitty jobs if i decide to discontinue with the option - will not get to try out a mix of audit jobs, less audit exposure - maybe worse performance appraisal if my compliance director dislike my work - more sai gang? might not learn much also
sighz so far after asking around and gathering much opinions i think i should take a leap of faith and give myself a chance i can only pray that interest will continue to motivate me regardless of any repercussions
actually, after considering so long it seems like it's a very small issue but then it does worry me so so please forgive me if i seem to be making a fuss over nothing
it seems coincidental that a while ago, i was reading in the daily bread about the goodness of work most christians would feel that work is a curse from God due to the fall of man because of Adam and Eve but it's a wrong assumption because firstly, God himself worked for 6 days to create nature and he declared that it's good next, even before the fall, God already assigned work to man which was to rule over all of earth and the animals within Work is actually a way that God gave us so as to take care of our needs through work, we can also bear witness in our words and deeds that others may see a true christian testimony even in the corporate world then after reading, i prayed that i may do my best at work and bring honour to His name through my words and deeds
to destress today, i went on a grocery shopping spree! bought choc crossiants for breakfast, habibo gummies for colleagues to share, my must-buy Jack n Jill BBQ potato chips, Cheezels, Roller Coaster as well as Kinder Bueno! oh man! been thinking and worrying alot since i heard about the news yesterday so i need to buy comfort food! bad habits never die
was quite irritated with my church elder also because he invited me to join the TOP committee previously and he assigned me a task of searching for SLA successful bids and computing & doing up an analysis of the prices per sq feet for the land which i could not find the relevant info when i searched the SLA website i smsed him for help to send the link or the softcopy info he din reply for qt a while then when i emailed him, he replied with the info attached, saying "It's so simple to obtain the information from the website......etc" he is implying that i am dumb lo i am not putting enough effort to search for them
HELLO? i am the one helping out here can volunteering my services to assist you and faciliate you when he asked if i could help out in the committee he still tell me dun worry, if i have any problems, he will help out tsktsk he now acts as if i owe him anyth liddat i am the one taking time out of my work schedule to rush out sth for u arghhhh if not for the fact that i convinced myself that I am doing this for Christ, and not for him I would have flared up and say i refuse to help but this verse popped up in my head and i decided to refrain from acting rashly
Galatians 1:10 Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.
wishing upon a star at...|9:08 PM|
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Tuesday, September 06, 2011
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yays finally managed to get into H&M today!! happies! i tink i would not have gotten anything if not for my patient companion :) hahas cox i see all the clothes strewn everywhere and the mass of people i already feel like heading towards the door already but then my patient companion persuaded me otherwise so managed to search through the piles and got 1 top and 1 skirt! yaysie! finally got to shop at the long-anticpated place! hehehehe
then got 2 basic spagetti tops from F21 too! a girl can really never have enuff clothes! there is still so much i want to buy! so much for my supposedly curbing of expenditure! hahahahs
lots of things cropped up today at work though sighz silly IT and my senior driving me mad i dun feel like going back to work tomorrow! wish everyday is like today can shop till i drop!
wishing upon a star at...|10:07 PM|
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Monday, September 05, 2011
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La la la-la la la, Sing a happy song. La la la-la la la, Smurf the whole day long. the song is stuck in my head hehehe YAYS! finally got to watch smurf after work today with my pet and ping ping! it's esp fun to watch with 2 cute friends hahas cox when they laugh, u feel like laughing too and the show is really nice! the smurfs are awfully cute! i want a smurf hug too!! and it's so sweet to say "i smurf u!"
the new cafe huggs is opened at 29th floor pantry today! so got this opening promo: a free coffee/tea for every food purchase hehe we went there for lunch! i am bcuming piggish after having breakfast, i feel hungry after having lunch, i also feel hungry anw work was quite sian today cox got caught after lunch to go this new client's place to photocopy all afternoon long boring but then i realised japanese clients are really polite my client gave me cold japanese green tea to drink hehe
clumsy me! my foot hurts now cox i clamped my foot when i tried to close the cab door so i tink my foot now got blue black or rather feels like one feels quite sore at the part when the door slammed it quite stupid actually it was quite obvious that it was gona close onto my foot but i still closed the door anw so dumb sighzz
wishing upon a star at...|11:23 PM|
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Saturday, September 03, 2011
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wishing upon a star at...|9:49 AM|
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Friday, September 02, 2011
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a break given to myself today!
watched glee 3d concert and ate kenny rogers
shopped at expo sales! both borders and john little!
satisfying day!
:)
giving in my insatiable fetish for stocking up of facial and make up products...
cox i can't buy anymore bags and clothes for now
so ended up trying to spend in other areas to satisy my retail therapy needs
hahas
supposed to try to curb my spending so as to replenish my depleting account balance due to the Europe expenditure but i dun tink i am succeeding
end up spending more on food and other material things
hehehe
wkend will be a mad rush!
sat gona meet aug batch peeps
night picnic at barrage!
sun starts with church in the morn,
then gona meet christine n juliana for lunch,
nana for tea
then family dinner!
H&M opens tomorrow!
woohoo!
need to jio ppl to shop with me one day!
i wan watch smurfs!
the cute little blue elves! :)
oh yea yest nite went mortons' bar with colleagues
the steak sandwiches and martinis were good!
yums
then watched FD5 with muffins!
it's gross and gory
but okies la i survived!
wishing upon a star at...|10:36 PM|
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Wednesday, August 31, 2011
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I hate to admit it
but it still bugs me
anw i have this weird feeling, am anticipating my bdae
though i have no special plans
despite having taken leave on that day
but i still feel that it would come faster
trying not to feel emo...
sometimes i wish my memories can be wiped clean
then i will be like a clean slate
instead of feeling so jaded about everything
wishing upon a star at...|8:23 PM|
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Tuesday, August 30, 2011
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yest nite watched Man U VS Arsenal!
cox it was on channel 5 though it wasn't live
:)
quite exciting lei
score was 8-2
was actually watching soccer everyday in Europe too
hahahas sports channel was the only channel that i din have a language barrier in
oh man it's kinda a good thing that i dun have access to sports channels in Spore
else every nite i will be losing my sleep over it
hehe
was reading daily bread and was very comforted by tdy's msg
He "gives life and breath to everything and he satifies every need" Acts 17:25
while Jesus sometimes provides for us differently than might expect, our Saviour keeps us going whether we are broken hearted, in need of money or enduring illness
it still amazes me that The God who sustains the universe sustains me
how wonderful is that thought!
many a times things dun go the way i want them to
i may never know the reason
but i know i just to keep moving ahead and he will help me move on
sometimes i still look back
and wondered what i did wrong, which step i took wrongly and wondered if things would have turned out differently if i have behaved differently
but in the end i alws tell myself
that no matter what i do now, i can never change the past
all i can do now is just try to pick up the ends and mend the bridges
and hopefully things will just look up from now
there may be regrets and disappointments
but learning to put them aside is part of my journey too
maybe some things are just not meant to be
on a side note,
there is so many movies coming up!
smurfs!
glee 3d!
and the musical wicked!
i want to watch them all!!!!!
wishing upon a star at...|11:10 PM|
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Thursday, August 18, 2011
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am worried
doc says mummy got diabetics
her diet has got to change
need to stop overeating and cut down on sugar n salt
sighzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
duno wat to do also
:(
wishing upon a star at...|11:07 PM|
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Wednesday, August 17, 2011
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I'M BACK!!
i miss home!
and everybody
i even miss work
strange hahas
miss daddy's cooking and fruits
miss simple things in life
like having lunch with jiemeis
anw i am happy to be back!
with lotsa purchases!
esp with my LV and prada bags!
hehehe
never thot of myself as a branded bag person
but then looking at them really makes me super happy
hahas
super materialistic hor
sighz
hahahas
lotsa photos taken!
can't wait to upload them
but there are so many!
am so tired now
still feeling qt jetlagged
so many hrs of flight
tink i watched like almost 9 movies to and fro
hahas
enjoyed myself thoroughly
surrounded with the arty farty italy filled with ancient history stories, churches with stained glass
the walls all round seems to echo of events that happened long ago
the man made beauty amazed me
of how man could create such wonderful architecture and sculptures
the scenic switzerland which allowed me to enjoy winter in summer
temperatures went down to almost -2 degrees in 1 day and 0.9 degrees on the 2nd day
when we went up the mountains abt 3000 feet about sea level
almost froze to death since we forgot to prepare winter wear
piled on like 3 layers of clothes to keep warm
the green grass and blue sky suddenly transiting into snow capped mountains contrasting with the sunlight glittering against the frozen ice
i was amazed at the god-made beauty of nature
france-paris was shopper's paradise
where the shopaholic in me was unleased
long queues of people buying all the high end brands
made me so tempted to buy everything
reveal to me the tangible beauty of material things
i would say this trip was a good mix of good food, scenic beauty, both man made and natural, as well as shopping satisfaction
a good break taken at the right time
:)
night world!
this gal needs to crash into her bed alr
it's been more than 24 hrs without proper slp
after abt 14 hrs of flight
wishing upon a star at...|10:20 PM|
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Sunday, July 31, 2011
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had an outburst during cep during never knew i had so much deep felt emotions abt my job that i needed to vent when we were discussing abt the different stages of lives we were at and i was asked to share abt mine i totally jus ranted about how sick i am about working being jaded and not knowing what is god's will for me in my career i feel that these few years of my life are super messed up i feel very lost i have no idea what i want in life and i do not know what God wants me to do actually accountancy was never my choice and all this time, i am simply hanging in there jus bcox i am either too lazy to go figure out what i really want or simply because i just dunwan to waste all these efforts i have put in so far
after ranting all to the others in my cep grp the older adults were very encouraging they told me to persevere on auntie chun cheng says frm her experience as a hiring personnel in a bank that i need to hang in there for at least 2 more years because this is the foundation i need to move on further in my career
all thru out our lives we are seeking god's will i know God's hand is in every step i take i realised that even though sometimes i may take the wrong step he somehow can turn it into something good in the end
i am slowly figuring out recently that maybe God does use me in his own ways it is interesting to see how my profession can help him build his church in many ways 1) being treasurer in upcoming Assembly Bible Camp 2011 (ABC) 2) in the Young Adults Committee 3) helping out in financial portion of the building & renovation works i see a lack of ppl who are in my line of profession in church and hence maybe he saw the need to develop me in this area
even though all i see in my future now is a blank but i tink all i have to do is trust and know he will guide
If God closes this door, then i believe he will open another window for me...
on a lighter note, i need to design a night cycling t-shirt by 20th! the event is gona be on 29th aug
tried wild honey with suez n joycie tdy! besties always! yums love having breakfast there even though it was alr 4 plus we waited almost an hr to be seated abit overhyped but otherwise a very chill place
i alwys thot as long as i put up a happy front no one will know how messed up i am inside but guess i was wrong
europe shld be a good chance to take a break frm my messed up life for a while
wishing upon a star at...|9:07 PM|
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Friday, July 29, 2011
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i know everyone is envious of my europe trip but somehow i can't make myself happy abt it i feel that the only reason i can be happy about leaving is that i am kinda throwing all my problems in sg and running away
somehow try as i might, doing everything i can to make myself happy with the meeting of all my frens and eating all the things i like,
i still do not feel complete.
wishing upon a star at...|9:33 PM|
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it's amazing how little things around u remind u of someone whenever i go to a place which i have went with another person before i will recall the previous experience sometimes i look back with a smile on my face but sometimes i look back, wishing i can turn back time wishing that we are still that way
i wonder if our paths were actually meant to cross in the first place i wonder if things wld have turned out differently if we moved on slower and if i din take things into my own hands i wonder if there was supposed to be any future and sometimes i almost imagined it to be a sweet dream that seems so distant and yet recent almost unattainable once more
every experience is a learning journey everyone is precious in my eyes because they all contributed to a beautiful memory that i will keep
joanna asked me what makes u happy in life and she asked me what makes me sad
what makes me happy: being loved makes me happy
what makes me sad: when things do not go the way i want them to and when i feel that i have put in my best effort and yet i do not get what i feel i deserve
dear joanna, i hope u find ur true happiness in Him we're all truely blessed in our own ways
whenever i feel upset i will count my blessings and thank Him for giving me so much a wonderful & loving family a roof over my head financial security frens who care for me then i will feel ashamed for feeling sorry abt myself
recently i have been keeping myself occupied to keep out the emptiness within
no one is irreplaceable and i suppose i wun be an exception to anyone too sometimes it can be difficult to live with this fact but we all got to face it i guess
looking back, i sometimes wished i was more appreciative of others' efforts because maybe that is a way of saying that i really care too
wishing upon a star at...|9:10 PM|
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Sunday, July 24, 2011
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tired but happy! finally finished 6 days of feasting and meet-ups with everyone! yaysie! feeling super fat! having gone thru 2 buffets and 3 birthday celebrations which equals to cake! faints lotsa foodddddd in my tummmy hahahas
i tink i am gona get roped in to help out for the preparation of the financial costing portion of the proposal of the A&A works being proposed to HDB for the renovation of church suddenly got a call from uncle tuck keong today when i was abt to leave church called to go for some urgent meeting totally caught off guard he din even ask me beforehand abt it sighzzz to think that i was just praying for open doors and opportunities to serve recently but then at the same time, was also worried since i am currently also helping out in the church camp planning committee and the young adults ministry though all these involvements are all on an ad hoc basis i am still kinda afraid i can't cope
but i have already decided that if anyone asks me to help out in anyth relating to church work i shall not reject so there goes pray hard for me tt i can cope with all that i have on my plate, in conjunction with work amongst other things kk! :)
my snr ryan keeps smsing stuff i need to do for BR! ahhhhh stressed! :(
wishing upon a star at...|8:31 PM|
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Saturday, July 23, 2011
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this week has been hectic! has been and will continue to go out from tues to sun! superrr tired now but feels really fulfilling happy to see all the friends that i seldom meet esp before i fly off to europe which explains why i am so proactive at asking to meet them now bcox it will be 2 long weeks before i come back!
workwise, has been doing ad hoc Blackrock stuff it's seriously neverending am so sick of it i tink this will continue till end of august or sth let's hope it wun drag on dec year end job do until aug v lang bei lei sighz
am super sian got 2 super shitty jobs in the month of oct that totally spills into my bdae week i had this idealistic wish of going taiwan during my bdae sighzz which will never come true now seeing the current situation argh i dunwan to work with the person on my job!!!! :( luckily i managed to take leave on my bdae! so i dun have to work on tt day yays!
am compiling an album of photos for this week! yays! love taking photos!
so many restaurants i wan to try! em by the river wild honey indochine etc... i really tink alfresco restaurants are very romantic and places like demsey and clarke quay still seems to hold some sort of fairytale like charm over me everytime i go these places, i feel like falling in love and will have a thot of going these places with the person i love hahahas
i really tink i sux at taking care of myself always thot i have improved but gex not much afterall hahahs got a blue black without knowing how i got it, and now it's super obv ate ice cream, forgetting that i am nt supp to cox it's the time of the month and now suffering the consequences for it forgetting to bring my cardigan to work and shivering like crazy today etc.. need to be less forgetful and take care of myself!
if there is currently no one who is willing to take care of me, then i ought to take care of myself! cannot be reliant on others anymore sighz
wishing upon a star at...|1:22 AM|
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Sunday, July 17, 2011
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sometimes i tink God must have a really hard time with me i must be the most stubborn and rebellious child of God hahas he often has to prompt me so often till he ends up shouting at me before i come to my senses by the time i actually listened to him, i will be so bruised and battered by the trials and struggles i went through which is really dumb of me bcox i could have simply listened to him in the first place and avoided all these unnecessary sufferings but it is jus my human nature
which is why i can really identify with the song "Thank You Lord" which a verse goes like this: "But it goes against the way i am to put my human nature down and let the Spirit take control of all i do Because when those trials come, My human nature shouts the things to do and God's soft prompting can be easily ignored"
am really glad that i went for today's morning ministry and cep! morning ministry was by uncle kenneth wong and it was really good on the parable of the sower in particular the seeds that fell upon thorny ground "the thornies" these seeds which received the Word of God are choked by life's worries, riches and pleasures he then went on to explain these 3 thorns individually what really spoke to me was the thorn of worries/cares/pressures of life
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6 -7
"Cast all your cares upon him for he cares for you" 1 Peter 5:7
time and time again he reminds us that worry is a sin but i've always been a worrybug especially in recent months
cep was especially applicable tdy it was on the last few chaps of Job we were discussing on the topic of how Job asked God for answers to his suffering and God replied by revealing his sovereignty and how he is in control of all things i have been asking God for an answer in the recent months and have been wondering why God doesn't answer me or maybe he has answered and i have been not listening? but i realised that God answers in ways unique to each individual that only the individual himself or herself will understand, in his own time God will not deny anyone of an answer because like a father to his children, God is a revealing god and would want his children to understand his rationale behind his actions Job 42:1-2 Then Job replied to the LORD: “I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted."
nth I do will change God' plan for me i need only to wait upon him...
wishing upon a star at...|3:08 PM|
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Friday, July 15, 2011
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Date a Guy who Loves Jesus
Date the guy who has his heart set on having God’s heart. Date a guy who’s captured by Christ. There’s nothing more beautiful than seeing that strong man that you’ve known melt in compassion and reverence in the presence of God. To see him fall to his knees, with tears in his eyes and hands held high, without a care to the world watching him. But you will notice, this guy’s got something. Date the guy who’s not afraid to show it. You’re lucky if you get him, for they’re not easy to find. They might say that they believe, just to be close to you. But if you find a guy who really loves God, hold on to him. The guy who loves Jesus will respect you. He’ll pursue you, pray for you, treasure you. He won’t pressure you or control you, but gently walk beside you and lead you. He will appreciate you as the gift and beauty you are, and remind you of it every day. The guy who loves Jesus will worship with you. He’ll pray for you, he’ll pray with you. He will lead you with strong hands, stand up when you can’t… but remind you that only God can satisfy. He’ll search you out like the Proverbs 31 Woman, and love you with agape like only he can. Date a guy who loves Jesus with everything he is. He’ll be good to you, he’ll treat you well, and when you spend your life with him, it will be beautiful. He’s been created just for you, and together you’ll find and follow your purpose. Date a guy who loves Jesus because you deserve it. and when you finally find him, don’t forget to thank God every single day he’s around. Or better yet, marry a guy who loves Jesus.
tomorrow is THE day!! the day of the CPA exam! scared scared scared! esp since we're gona have accounting class before the exam and we have to cram all that info into our heads before we are tested :( jiayous everyone!
am supposed to be studying now opps wish me lotsa luck kk!
i miss those days where u wld bring me for dinner & suppers after work... can u feel it whenever i miss u? did u ever think of me?
i shldn't be emo! i am always a happy gal! teach me to conceal my thoughts and my feelings in front of u.... but yet everyth seems to remind me of u..
had a throbbing headache yest when i went running my head throbbed with each step i took as in the movement vibrated through my head sighz
i have been eating every 2 hrs! arghhh
wishing upon a star at...|8:11 PM|
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Thursday, July 14, 2011
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am hungry!! feeling great after my night nap! been feeling super tired recently somehow studying seems more energy-draining than working have been on a binge lately been eatin loads ever since the course started every evening on my way back, i will have an urge to buy food-related items mon was potato chips tues: snacks and more potato chips wed: breadtalk bread hahas i jus need food therapy to keep me awake while studying or rather jus to relieve my exam stress scaring myself silly by acting so drastically hmmmmm been a long while since i underwent such buying food spree
i want to watch harry potter!! it's out!!! excited!
koped frm tv: even if the tears have dried up doesnt mean the pain is no longer there it will always remain in ur heart
u do not know that i miss u because u doubt me but do u noe that u're always on my mind?
wishing upon a star at...|12:06 AM|
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Monday, July 11, 2011
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hilda feels like she's back in school days! the STI auditorium in capitol tower really feels like NTU LT and it's really been a year since i actually left sch and my books behind as well as thrown all that accounting knowledge far far away hahas today was the first day of CPA course! like finally am embarking on what i wan to achieve! am on unfamiliar grounds super not used to studying and being a student again esp since the first day of classes was on taxation my worse subject in sch! nearly funked it but then this ntu lecturer tdy really made me change my mindset twds taxation kinda wished he was my tutor back then then prob my grades would have been far better! he was really funny and entertaining, breaking down all the facts simply and giving illustrations to explain the concepts
really kinda missed the school days all of a sudden never felt this way before cox i always preferred working to studying but now i really wana go back to sch days
it also made me think abt hall days and abt you how u were always there with me, accompanying my everyday thank you. :) for all the happy memories
wishing upon a star at...|10:07 PM|
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Sunday, July 10, 2011
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went for the sentosa deloitte carnival yest we went so late most of the activities were ending already
had carls junior for dinner then headed off to titanium for drinks the place is kinda cool they had mandopop and thai disco performances all the way then the performers are really good they can sing and dance really well super entertaining drank qt abit about 5-6 cups felt super giddy at first but was alright after i took a break poor hy puked :(
wishing upon a star at...|11:40 AM|
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Saturday, July 09, 2011
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nightly i am trying to keep awake while waiting for u to sms the disappointment is far too great for me to bear because i tell myself time and time again maybe tomorrow when he's less tired, he'll remember me... but tomorrow will just be the same as today
too many chances given too many disappointments too many what ifs
do i still matter?
went last nite with selene to gospel rally at bethesda depot walk super ulu place uncle kian huat, in my opinion, was abit nervous cox he had to simplify alot of christian jargon abit disappointing to see no one willing to come forward to accept salvation but i am sure that god will continue to speak to them and bring them to him in his own time and ways
there was this story that he used to illustrate that really touched me it was about this accident that ocurred on the japanese subway there was a drunkard who slipped and fell upon the tracks when the train was approaching 2 students saw and jumped down onto the tracks to pull the drunkard safely upon the platform however, as the intervals between trains were about only 1 minute they were unable to climb up themselves in time in the end, the 2 promising students perished the drunkard, awakened, turned back and saw the blood upon the tracks in fear, he ran into the crowd, never to be found. when the story was published and raised, there was a public outcry as one of the students was the only son of a widow how could the drunkard be so ungrateful for these 2 young men's sarcrifice for him months later, the drunkard sobbered up and went to seek the widow for forgiveness the widow said:
My only son died for you, why did you run away?
the drunkard answered:
I was afraid.
when i heard the story, i was thinking we often run awy in fear but this gift of salvation is far too great to run away from... I can only pray that more will come to the knowledge of Him.
wishing upon a star at...|12:28 PM|
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Friday, July 08, 2011
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can I bottle up our happy memories together, the laughter, the joy and times spent together seal it with a kiss and let the waves take it away?
can I bottle up the tears, the pain and sorrow the times I felt my heart was gona break pour them upon the beach and let the waves wash them away?
wishing upon a star at...|11:41 AM|
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Thursday, July 07, 2011
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koped this off fb:
The Greatest Irony of Love
Loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right, and finding out you love someone right after that person walks out of your life.
And sometimes, you think you're already over a person, but when you see them smile at you, you'll suddenly realise that you're just pretending to be over them just to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again.
For some, they think letting go is one way of expressing how much they love that person. In my opinion, some are afraid to see the only one they love, being held by someone else.
Most relationships tend to fail not because of the absence of love. Love is always present, It's just that one was being loved too much, and the other was being loved too little.
As we all know, the heart is the center of the body, but it beats on the left. Maybe that's the reason why the heart is not always right.
More often, we fall in love with the person we think we love, to only discover that, for them, we are just passing time while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger.
So, here's a piece of advice:
Let go when you're hurting too much, Give up when love isn't enough, And move on when things are not like before. For sure, there is someone out there, who will love you even more.
wishing upon a star at...|1:35 PM|
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Tuesday, July 05, 2011
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feel that something has changed nt sure for the better or worse fading with time ba
yest went for a run agn! alwys feel so exhausted after a run oh wells on the way to being fit! hahas
watched transformers tdy! great movie with lotsa action loved it esp since it was 2 and a half hrs super value for money hahas cheapo! love the way the cars can transform, way cool!
thinking of the camp theme abit lack of ideas though
wishing upon a star at...|11:36 PM|
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Sunday, July 03, 2011
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during cep today, as we study the book of Job for the past few weeks and the weeks to come, uncle daniel mentioned about how God does not answer us about why we go through certain things such as trials and temptations but we still ought to take the leap of faith and trust irregardless of the countless things we do not understand because his wisdom is far beyond our human capacity makes me recall what selene told me about hw she learnt the most through God's silence we often ask God "why this? why that? why make me go through all this, God?" and we get upset when God does not answer us but does knowing the answer really makes us happy? sometimes all we need is to trust and believe that he will make our ways straight
Job 23:10, "But he knows the way i take, when he has tested me, i will come forth as gold" i hope that at the end of my trial, i can come through it smiling and say thank god! what a thing to look forward to!
wishing upon a star at...|10:30 PM|
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i love packing my days to the max but as i grow older, i start to feel my stamina really deteriorating i am easily tired and sleepy hahas can no longer stay up till the wee hrs unlike the hostel days sat was fun! spent with the muffins having korean food celebrating willy's bdae and going to alley bar for drinks
woke up sun morn feeling v exhausted skipped morn worship svc and went for cep only instead then off in the afternoon for tract distribution for gospel rally gave off the tracts to the different housing units in the block hope that the residents will come for gospel rally anw in case anyone reads this and is interested pls ask me abt it! gospel rally thi fri, sat and sun, 9th to 11 july 7.30pm! will have songs, food and a message! can come any day fri is abt Faith! sat abt Hope! sun abt Love! it's gona be at bethesda hall at depot walk i hope that anyone will ask me to bring him/her and give me a reason to go! hahas otherwise i will be really too lazy to go all the way there on my own
then went for facial n signed for package! :( my face is super red with marks all over! super ugly it really hurts like mad wen she was getting rid of all the dirt inside sighz i feel so disgusted with my oily face i hope they all heal and i will have perfect complexion super envious of others with porcelain skin
then off to dinner with family! daddy bought durian! yays
wishing upon a star at...|10:00 PM|
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Saturday, July 02, 2011
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thurs went for gym at reen's hse! love the simple ease of being with her, exercising and catching up caught a meal at the nearby hawker centre aft tt while watching my 9pm channel 8 drama we're gona do it agn next wk! yays
i had a nightmare las nite it was all my fears coming true scary
happy start to my day yest! :) simple breakfast and simple company really appreciated the effort... wish everyday was like that.. hahas
went for a run yest after work felt really tired after that but i feel great that i am on my way to being fit though i dun see any results so far hahas oh i tink it def makes me feel better aft having tt sinful gong cha during lunch jus the thot of having gong cha at international plaza near office makes me happy! i nv thot gong cha wld have a branch there hahas totally makes up for the disappointment that eskimo has shifted awy hehe i am sucha bigggg fan of bubble tea!
finally signed up for uob ladies card! cox they came for a roadshow at our office pantry it was so much more convenient! we cld jus run up and print our payslip n pass to them.. looking fwd to getting my pretty credit card soon!
i duno why i keep making u angry the thing is sometimes i have no idea how i did it when i have absolutely no intention to sighz
wishing upon a star at...|10:31 AM|
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Wednesday, June 29, 2011
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i am onto retail therapy! within less than half an hr, bought and transferred payment for 1 maxi skirt which can double as a dress, 1 tube dress and a top! i am sucha shopaholic! gave myself an excuse to shop since payday is today! hahas but the thing is i'm already having no savings for last month and this month due to the CPA exam fees and the church camp fees ahhhhhh but i cannot resist my shopping temptation cox alot of new collection launches today! yippeee! :) shopping makes me happy! now i totally unstd hw suez alwys cant wait to get her hands on the clothes she buy online hehe i am awaiting my own self-bought pressieS! hahas
i will do all things to make myself happy! gorging myself with happy food, buying new clothes, running to vent my frustration i jus wan to find back myself agn
i dunwan u to be upset with me i noe i disappointed u agn am sorry i jus dunwan to stir up more shit
walking in the rain i do not know the diff between the raindrops and the tears falling inside of me
have u really given up on us?
wishing upon a star at...|11:51 AM|
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Monday, June 27, 2011
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took this off facebook:
we’re different in many ways, so we try a little more each day. we're close as friends but a little more, so we love more day to day.
wishing upon a star at...|11:50 AM|
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Sunday, June 26, 2011
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to love someone requires strength but to let someone u love go requires courage and to do this time after time again is so difficult i dun tink i have the ability to do so this time
it has only been less than 24hrs and i alr miss u i feel dumb that u are having lotsa fun over there yet i am here feeling miserable
my throat hurts i feel tt i am falling sick.
wishing upon a star at...|9:11 PM|
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my church fren says i am totally not myself today pls tell me hw to behave inside of me, i keep thinking abt whether i am making the right decision i keep telling myself tt if it's meant to be, then it's meant to be but it hurts
this is not what i want but this is for the best for now
wishing upon a star at...|2:23 PM|
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Sunday, June 19, 2011
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church camp at cameron highlands was so rewarding! felt renewed and nourished by the word a time away from the world and time alone with God has taught me much and changed my mindset towards things met many new people too
went for a forest hike 9km up the mountain on a road track then we tried a forest trail to go down the mountain, went trudging through mud, trees and branches so scary and chilly luckily had some guys to give us a hand wenever the trail was tricky never used my arm and leg muscles so much ever since cheer am aching all over now my shoes and limbs were caked with mud when i was done definitely a memorable experience am awed by God's creation the majestic greenness of the mountains and the blueness of the beautiful sky coupled with the refreshing cold breeze is just a wonderful sight i can't help but am amazed at how wonderful he is
but now i am back i feel that i am thrown back into reality again i find it a struggle to apply those concepts into life i am so stubborn argh hate it that my dad refuses to give in to me annoying hate it that once i come back, i create trouble for my friends i am jus too quarrelsome
every spiritual union is a blessing from god let me learn patience frm this and wait upon the lord for his answer
during the workshops, i obtained the realisation of how God worked in my life all these while "Return to God, and he will return to you" i realised how he pursued me with such fervent passion and yet i ignored him how he used trials to draw me closer to him
i have agreed to join the church camp committee for 2012 bcox i wan to serve him with joy and to enable others to reap much from the camp as well
it's amazing to be pursued by an everlasting love all things appear strangely dim as compared to his love
wishing upon a star at...|7:46 PM|
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Saturday, June 11, 2011
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there seems to be much i will do for you but yet so little u can do for me though the things i do seem to be so easy and mundane but bcox they are things i will never did before and always put off doing for others they are significant at least in my eyes i hope that they mean sth to u too
yest nite was TCC 1 for 1 with willy n rj so worth it! then was timbre with muffins! finally got to go timbre aft so much procastination i realised that i am a sleepy drinker when i drink, i will be super sleepy
my rebellious nature is more evident twds u maybe i jus wanted to prove that i can be independent bt i still weaken at ur words
will be awy for the next wk at church camp i really need this time with God
wishing upon a star at...|6:04 PM|
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Wednesday, June 08, 2011
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we were going on so well i thot i could even see our future we neglected the obstacle between us thinking that as long as we were happy together it wouldn't matter but we both knew that it was a nagging issue at the back of our minds that needed to be resolved before we can move onto the next stage
i will never unstd why is it so hard for you to say it i thought if i can do it, why can't u it bothers me that you care so much
i know this current situation is the best for the both of us bcox this way, there is no obligations
i have grown tired of waiting and u have grown tired of trying
i feel a tinge of disappointment at how we ended up now i've always thought that to treasure someone is to make sure the r.s will work regardless of the obstacles or is it as what u think as stubbornness and obstinacy
i can only hope for the best but where do we go from now on?
if u believe that once u are settled, u can come back for me then isit really gona be that simple
when u turn back for me, will i still be there waiting for you? or will i have moved on? i have no answer
appearances is all that is important i only need to appear happy in front of u and the others
the office pressures are caving in onto me everyone is asking abt us that sometimes i am so tired
i have not been working at all since we have nth to do but all these emotional pressures are taking its toll on me
how do i see u in office everyday and not be reminded of the pain within
show me that you care by doing what u ought to do as soon as u can otherwise i really dun tink i can hold onto u any longer
wishing upon a star at...|8:37 PM|
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Tuesday, June 07, 2011
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the happiness i felt which i thought was sufficient to bring us through maybe it ain't enough for us whenever i tink about how u decided that we are not suitable there is this faint ache within me that saddens me i know you're right that u are but i thought that if i was able to overlook all of those then nothing else matters to us
i was always too fast u're always too slow for me will 2 parallel lines ever meet?
wishing upon a star at...|9:43 AM|
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Sunday, May 22, 2011
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just watched kangxi they say giving a watch as a gift = 等待 never knew that interesting hahahs and the shape determines its meaning too if it is a square face, it means to 守候 cool!
anw went to ma maison with suez n joycie today! hahas we revived our childhood days by playing the arcade games within the whimsy arcade at BHG! :) really fun! we even won enuff tix to exchange for a pencil each hahas
and then was my cousin's baby's shower party had a great time even though i was abit reluctant to go at first oh wells
wishing upon a star at...|12:44 AM|
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Tuesday, May 17, 2011
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blame it on my curious nature i alwys want to know what happened in the past yet i can't prevent the little green monster from creeping in i dont want u to noe what i feel inside so i try not to let it show it in my eyes and nt telling u wat i feel and end up feeling like i ain't being honest enuff there is no use comparing cox everyone is different afterall
there is nth that is ever gona bring the guilt i haf towards u away everytime i tink of what i have done for u i nv ever feel that it is enuff u haf done anyth against me yet i haf let u down
basking in the happiness now isit sufficient for me?
wishing upon a star at...|3:52 PM|
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Monday, May 16, 2011
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am really glad to haf taken this long break! really needed it fri till tues 5 whole days! woohoo hahas worked myself to death the last 4 months or so without giving myself any leeway it's time to let myself loose and jus not worry abt work for once i know that work will still pile up and when i return, i will have the mountain to deal with but heck it for now, i just to relax and enjoy myself
mummy says i shld cancel my leave for mon since i have no special plans but i jus dunwan i jus want tt day to rest even if i mite not go out i jus wan to not work in any case am gona meet tirza and selene for lunch! :)
sometimes i wish i am a student agn.... miss those days where i can do whatever i want and not worry about my responsibilities
guess wat i did on my friday i spent the day in the library holed up in a corner reading hahas and borrowed a tons of books home old habits nv died i still insisted on bringing my book to the nearby KFC to haf my fav shrooms burger meal with cheese fries i just need these kind of creature habits to make me feel sane agn to find that rest and peace within me agn
did some errands too bought some facial products, things that i keep procastinating about and nv got down to doing hmmm went also to swim sth i haven done for a long time and for tt day i am really happy doing things by myself being by myself and just doing things i like
the last wk was horrid guess i was jus close to breaking point nv really gave myself a break kept on pushing myself to the brink demanded myself to be the best i cld be and all the emotional turmoil also took its toil on me
so now i just to rest during this break do things i like then i will be refreshed once more to go back to work agn on wed wish me luck ok?
today i found rest in the lord too everytime i go to church i am reminded of his love and it never fails to touch me how he can love so much
i am rather fortunate rite having a god so great to love me, a person so small and insignificant having a family who loves me, despite my horrid tempers as well as people ard me who care for me in their own ways ought to stop feeling sorry for myself and pull myself tog again jus give me some time kk i will be alright in a while just prob abit burnt out recently overwhelmed by work, emotions everything jus prob sick of life for a while
but i will be alright as i have alws been
help me to learn to have the patience to be patient like how "the daily bread" aptly reminded me to keep anticipating, to keep hoping and to keep waiting upon the lord for he works in his own ways and in his own time...
i ought to stop doubting but i can't allow myself i ought to run but i can't bring myself away
wishing upon a star at...|12:21 AM|
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Saturday, May 14, 2011
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i have 2 voices in my head one tells me i am dumb the other tells me that i ought to just rest and slow down can i trust ur words and believe that u will come back for me? or should i move on and invest in this no more?
u may say that i only want to rush into things because i am impulsive but have u realised that progress spells sincerity and how much u value this i need to know that i am worth it i need to know that i matter enough for you to want to make it work out
to u, u may tink that u dunwan to make an empty promise but have u considered what i need the security to know that you have confidence in us? simply to know that you are doing your part to settle ur issues instead of buying time to think about what you want
i duno when hearing "i just want you to be happy" can be a pain bcox my happiness will not be determined on what you want for me but what i want for myself
if you care too much about her to let her know then maybe you do not care enough for me and obviously i don't think i matter as much i do not want history to repeat itself bcox as much as u are afraid of getting hurt agn i too have my own fears to cope with
You're like the sand in the hourglass, quickly slipping away, unable to grasp
and this jus reminds me of you of how u made that promise to me that day and how i trusted in the person who was confident enough
wishing upon a star at...|1:14 PM|
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Thursday, May 12, 2011
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emoooo to the max this week is a bad wkk super irritated with going to work am dragging myself everyday today got assigned to go tuas damn sian nv thot this wld ever happen to me felt like shit seriously i hate being in sucha ulu place sighhz bad mood
wishing upon a star at...|11:26 PM|
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Tuesday, May 10, 2011
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so scary that everyone can find out so soon everything is still speculation but they are able to tease and guess bits and pieces of it i guess it's cox we sux at keeping secrets anw hoping that everyth will be low profile for now since nth is confirmed
needing to think ahead can be daunting but it also gives me the assurance that you are concerned about the future and not just going with the flow and making the decision in the impulse of the moment so i am glad we are not rushing into it
i realised that many things i have misunderstood only thought of them in the way i wanted them to be and not give you the benefit of the doubt that it shld nt be so complicated it's jus that i think too much and make myself stressed out and worry too much
anw derrick jus told me that he wans to book me for kayhian next yr in jan prob for 5 weeks duno whether shld be happy onot considering the long hours and the endless work but i do like the team cox weiquan is really a good snr though am kinda sad tt wun b under the leadership of derrick wondering how it will work out and plus i duno if we can face each other all day long and not want to pull each other's hair out maybe that will really prove a real test for us lo
very sian this week got released from BR cox the budget constraints but yet still need to do BR stuff while logging into unassigned abit not here not there so not very happy abt it sighz cant wait for the week to end i dunwan to get circonded to GA :(
been eating alot recently kinda getting worried
i want to go on holiday! need a break!!
i want taiwan and hk but no money and no one to acc me! and i am lazy to org too! hahas :(
wishing upon a star at...|9:24 PM|
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Saturday, May 07, 2011
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sometimes u jus wonder at the immaturity of others so amazing oh wells it's none of my business anw
on a happier note, i am pretty relaxed these days :) been doing almost anyth i wan and everyth i wan eat whatever i wish to etc hahas feel that am putting on weight! cox i keep eating good food!
had client treating us to peach garden the food was really good! the peking duck etc yums! then alan(my AM) treated us to korean food yest too but din really like it hahas but still am well-fed! drinking lotsa bubble tea too
i know it ain't gona be smoothsailing all the way but at least everyth is out in the light now no more second guessing we'll jus have to move along and figure out the next step together jus that there are so many barriers in btw they may not be so evident now but i am sure in time to come, they will surface then maybe by then, i will know his will for me whether i was wrong
i now know why u say no one will match up to u i always knew it but jus refused to admit it
wishing upon a star at...|12:22 PM|
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Sunday, May 01, 2011
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i dun like guessing games i am always too impulsive so it makes me feel like giving up
wishing upon a star at...|3:15 PM|
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Saturday, April 30, 2011
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"Love Song For A Savior" (Jars of Clay)
In open fields of wild flowers, she breathes the air and flies away She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses in no simple language Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him Someday He'll call her and she will come running and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,
"I want to fall in love with You"
Sitting silent wearing Sunday best The sermon echoes through the walls A great salvation through it calls to the people who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him Someday He'll call us and we will come running and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,
"I want to fall in love with You"
It seems too easy to call you "Savior", Not close enough to call you "God" So as I sit and think of words I can mention to show my devotion
"I want to fall in love with You"
"my heart beats for You"
love unspoken but felt so deeply love divine i want to fall in love with you i thank you for loving me
bit by bit, step by step i feel u closer to me fast and furious or slow and cruising? i'll never know
wishing upon a star at...|1:53 PM|
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Sunday, April 24, 2011
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this weekend has been the most rewarding and most exciting so far! :) really packed to the brim many a times, i really felt i was gona faint with exhaustion
thurs was JP morgan run 5.6km! like wat jeanie placed as her album name we came, we walked/ran, we conquered!! woohoo! hahas now i know my running shoes are really chui! they gave way halfway super sian shows how much i dun exercise anw it was a really good experience had a great time walking wif hy, jeanie,kelvin and victor! we really kept each other company on tt long long walk :) loved the scenery and the feeling of accomplishment! ended the day with dinner at macs!
fri woke up really really early! the good friday church service was really good! really felt God' abounding love and amazing grace love what my speaker said: the horizontal beam represents God' outstretched love the vertical beam represents the height of God's holiness and the cross is where God's love and holiness met! sucha wonderful and marvellous symbol of our living Saviour's great sarcrifice.
this weekend i refound my love for God once more and i desire to commune with him more and to love him as my bridegroom
afterwhich we went for the women's retreat at GB campsite a wonderful experience! i went there reluctant but came back spiritually refreshed! the planning experience taught me alot that it's christ i am serving not men that once i set my vow to serve him, i should stay thru till the end instead of using work as an excuse
and i knew that God was speaking to me bcox it was no coincidence that I woke up on sat morn and realised i cld slp no more and went out to find rina at the benches sparked off our sharing and we realised our weaknesses and failure to rely on the Lord to simply trust n obey we cried like mad but tt was the most honest sharing i had in ages i felt my burdens for the past week fell away
during the retreat, i finally understood the real reason for the retreat maybe our main purpose was to learn more about desiring god and finding the true beauty in ourselves but to me, it was more than that i found the inner peace within me i needed the time to step away from the world and jus find rest in him i was getting tired of being too busy, i never stopped to rest in the end i tired myself out and no matter what i never did, i never seemed to enjoy myself but this time, i retreated to a place of solace
i learnt that a truely beautiful woman knows who she is and who she belongs to, she knows God has a purpose for her life and she has a purity of heart she knows she is loved, not by anyone else, but by a divine man she glows from within and overflows her love to everyone ard her
to love God is a commandment, not a choice no one else can fill the empty void within each of us he made us to worship and to love him
the retreat is only 24 hrs but it was a fruitful one i am really glad i was part of the planning committee
afterwhich went home for a nap on sat afternoon and met the august batch at nabins for the march, apr, may bdaes celebration! been a long time since we all gathered! :)
today was church in the morn and then a really long sleep in the afternoon been a long time since i slept so soundly hmmmm then had dinner with family for jie jie's bdae
what a wonderful weekend!
wishing upon a star at...|10:50 PM|
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I believe you are the answer to every tear I've cried
I believe that you are with me
My rising and my light
Give me strength when I am weary
Give me hope when I can't see
Through the crosses I must carry
Lord, bind my heart to thee
That when all my days are over
and all my chores are done
I may see your risen Glory
Forever where you are.
