Sometimes I wonder why we are worlds apart yet there is still this nagging thought at the back of my head
Am glad I bought this new book at eudokia, my church's book shop..it is called dating and waiting... Really gives me a new perspective on single hood!
I Duno when I started doing stuff I thought I would never do:
Facial
Drinking Starbucks
Buying branded bags
Manicure
Massage
Perming my eyelashes
Haix am becoming vain hahaha
I feel zombie-ish today
Really very sleepy and tired...
Anw me n Jeanie went to perm our eyelashes tog! Flutter flutter!
Why do people only treasure what they have only after it is lost?
Haix
Why does the right person appear at the wrong time?
Why does one not realize their feelings until after the right person has gone by?
The ways of this world is so hard to understand
Today is a happy day! Went jb with muffins!! Spent every penny I had! Bought shoes and ate loads!
I need koi to end my year well but they ran out of pearls sighhh
Am so happy for Joyce that she found a good guy! Envious!!
There is no right person... It is only a matter of how much effort u are willing to make him or her the right one...
I am so grateful for the Christian support from my friends
Somehow their fellowship are a breeze of fresh air to me
Recharging me for the week
Sometimes at the end of a long and tiring week
I retire to church and feel myself getting a surge of energy from their encouragement and sincere concern
Somewhere where I need not pretend to be strong
They may not know me for the longest but yet they know some of my deepest fears and feelings
Yet they do not judge
I really thank god for them
Of course I am thankful for my other friends too
I often feel that I am a loner
And often need constant company from others
To feel the sense of worth and purpose
Been feeling a sense of aimlessness
Not sure where the future will lead to
But have been very encouraged by my dear sisters namely selene, joanna, Rina and Wei Lin
I will wait upon him and seek him more each day
Some words u regret saying
And yet can't take back
But yet if u don't say
U will regret not saying
What an irony
Ahh got used to working late I guess
Maybe even kinda immune
Makes me lose all sense of time
And forget all other things
Read this on an ebook: if a person cannot answer directly to your question, the answer is probably too painful for you to know or too difficult for him to admit..
Recently am feeling very sad for my dear frens.... Like 3 of them have been hurt by indecisive guys..... Sigh
As they confide in me, my heart aches for them coz I feel their disappointment
They are all wonderful gals in their own ways.... I really hope they can find their Own happiness soon... Will b praying for them...
I really feel that every single person has their own battles to fight
Be it relationships, work or major decisions to make in life
After CEP sharing yest, I felt uncle Daniel's struggles
I can only hope that in time he will be able to make the decision best for his family and Aunty mich will get over the passing of her mother soon
Like what Aunty Wai fun said
We all have our place in life
In our secular work
I also believe that there is no spiritual work alone Bcox as long as u are doing it for the glory of god, it is spiritual work, hence much as I do not see how my work links to spiritual work, I still want to do my best for god...
DNd was just over!
Love dressing up as a schoolgirl again
Because it reminds me of the days when we could act very silly and naughty without any cares
Sheila's wedding was beautiful
It makes me want to get married too! Love the live band and the love that eludes out from the couple is so wonderful....awwww
I wonder when will my turn come hmmmm
BY2 - 一样爱着你
不怕末日 因为我有你你给我的
不计较原因我一直相信 笑容不需要练习
忘不了你 慌张的表情像舍不得
消失的流星我无法相信
你把我留在原地找着等着
我想你 想得彻底就让我
痛着喊着用力哭泣
我还是一样的爱着你
不管多少人劝我放弃
有时候我会哼起回忆这是你可以 给我的勇气
我还是一样的爱着你
等待的幸福更不需要怀疑
我知道我可以
一直这样爱你
我永远都愿意
一直这样爱你回到过去
OH 是你 牵着我 保护我
是你一直爱着我
就算此時失去了曾經那樣愛我的你，我還是會的一樣愛著你
I think I am truely blessed I counted my blessings and realized I have much to b thankful forI hv everyth I wan n all I need except a relationship I have few friends but they are great n wonderful in their ways Church frens, colleagues, muffins, nana, uni frensI have a tolerant family who puts up with overbearing meI have a job that I might not like but brings home suff dough I have material goods like my iPhone, Prada bag, LV bag n Kate spade bag n Burberry wallet which I could only look upon last time but now can hold upon my hands Things I never thot I can afford I pray I do not lose myself In materialism I have church commitments to put my spiritual gifts at work I am truely blessed by godI love this verse recently'your word is a light upon my path and a lamp upon my feet'May god continue to preserve me as I walk with him I pray he teaches me his ways, guide me on my path n show me his will for me
lotsa happenings recently!
i got my iphone 4S!
woohoo!!
pretty!
hahahas
then we went halloween at USS last week!
lotsa fun!
screaming our heads off!
:)
have been busy busy busy!
am really tired now
lotsa work and lotsa church stuff to think about too
and this week is bdae week!
yippeee!!
been working myself hard!
last 2 weeks was kay hian
then this week working on the SFA checklist
nv realised its importance till everyone starts asking from me for the most updated version
guessed it's cox every engagement is gona require it for interims
like what ryan keeps telling me, i shld really motivate myself to work hard!!
the lost pass issue is really bcuming a full blown issue
everyday we rack our brains trying to find out possible avenues as to where it cld be
tdy we even had to report the taxis we took so as to call the companies to ask if we dropped it in the cabs
faints
i really hope it wld be found soon
i qt scared tt it's me who lost it
the manager is like very serious abt finding out who is the one responsible for the loss
sighzz
i cant even rmb which pass is lost
:(
everyone seems so stressed and overloaded with work
jeanie, li ji, huey ying and shyong wei esp
sighzz
miss having everyone in office
and going for breaks tog
now breakfast and tea breaks are kinda a past affair
i get so sick of sitting at my desk all day and typing furiously
now that i got my own seat and am sitting in a tiny corner of office with the rest of the compliance team
i feel kinda left out of the excitement
cox the rest wld usually be sitting in the common area
but then it doesn't hit me yet that much since most of the jiemeis are out of office on jobs at the moment
not really used to doing all these regulatory work
or maybe it's cox i haven started it proper
like going on compliance review jobs
still doing mostly admin stuff like updating checklist and regulatory amendments
i hope i will grow to like it more
cox i am kinda regretting it alr
i sudd feel bored abt my life agn
it's october already
almost the end of the year
so soon!
had a super lazy day today
din go for church at all
but went for lunch with family..
jus found out that kor kor went to consult some fortune teller
using tarrot cards...
faints
he asked abt everyone in the family
apparently the man says that my character is similiar to kor kor's
fickle-minded
he says i have no aim in life
and i duno wat to do
but i jus simply work and work for no purpose
and my current paths in life is either to set up a business (be established in career) or to find a marriage partner and settle down
and i can only choose one
erms but then isn't all this wat i knew long ago alr?
hahas
havin no expectations is good in a way
this way the wave of disappointments wun hit so badly
ignoring and going your own way is still the best
call it denial
but in the end u have to admit that sometimes pretending that u don't care
is the best way of protecting yourself
i am tired of being ridiculed...even if they are jokes
cox the truth hurts
i am tired of u picking on me
cox i am just not strong enough
when i was watching the hk drama last nite
there is this guy that said this to another gal
"It doesn't matter what or how much he has done for you before.
Whether it is due to his pride or his career, he has already made a choice and his decision.
And you can never beat it or win it.
If you persist in it, you will only end up hurting yourself."
food for thought!
sigh
tink tml and fri would have to be in office
despite am on elearning
sudden crop ups
need to amend the error in the FS again
quite a tedious process
considering need to get back copies from HK, EY (tax), M&C(corp sect)
very ma fan
then still to endure some scolding from the typists agn before they will willingly amend n reprint for me
then must rebind and pack nicely again
argh lotsa admin work
boohoo
there goes my self-declared days off again!
terrible day today
the whole day my stomach was aching
in the end went to see the doc
doc says i have high fever + gastric flu + urinary infection
confusing!
:(
tml will be on mc
at least i finally know what is wrong with my tummy
hopefully the pain wun persist anymore after that
am watching tv now...the hk drama on channel u
the male leads were saying "why is it so painful to be serious about someone u love?"
so apt and true in our world today
where eternal love seems to a forsaken concept
parents are worried abt my tummache
cox it's getting qt frequent
hmmm maybe i shld go see a doc?
been helping to prepare slides for a10 training today
other than that, work at office today was pretty chill
and tonight there is Man U VS Chelsea on channel 5!
even though i already noe the score
but still wana catch it on tv
though am abit tired now already
i am on a credit card application spree now
which is really bad!
cox i applied like 5 credit cards in 2 months!
ahhhhh
terrible me
cox i get attracted by all the different benefits they provide
sighz
need to control myself
i am quite excited abt my impending bdae!
okies it's not exactly super soon yet
but am thinking what to do
i am gona be on leave!
but then it's a weekday
doubt anyone will be free
and dun exactly know who will celebrate for me too
i jus hope i wun spend it in a lonely way...
i wan lotsa fun outings!
must create a list of things i wan to do!
hopefully will get to do some of them
1) universal studios
2) sentosa
3) east coast park (cycling/rollerblading)
4) marina barrage/font canning park/bottle tree park (picnic)
5) concert/musical
stomach abit pain pain
:(
stomach upsets getting more and more frequent
always feeling an odd queasiness and like alot of bubbles popping around in my tummy
it occurs especially at night when i am going to sleep and when i wake up in the morning after having breakfast...
weirddd
anw onto a brighter note,
yest nite was fun!
met nana for dinner at a jap restaurant near guardian at citylink
eating jap spagetti with chopsticks is a challenge...
great time catching up with them
it was a tough time trying to gather everyone
so qt happy we finally met up
we're kinda planning to watch wicked and also maybe have an overnight stayover in a singapore hotel one day soon..
hopefully these plans do work out
needa do some research for good deals first
then met muffins for supper!
we went simpang bedok for custard buns, chicken wings n cheese fries and roti john
then off to this hk cafe near ecp
which was really good!
super chillax listening to the chinese live band while sipping on bubble milk tea
hahas
we stayed up till 2 plus...
was dead tired when i reached home abt 3am
we should do it agn!
missed those days where we often go for supper tog...
hahas
somemore had to wake up at 8am this morning..
cox had morning worship then TOP meeting then CEP....
long day
but it was a great discussion on sexual imorality and other church discipline issues
kinda interesting views of what both genders do to avoid temptation....
feeling abit groggy now
like half sleepwalking
but otherwise a fruitful wkend!
那個男人
有個男人愛著你 用心愛著你
那個男人愛著你 徹底愛著你
他情願變成影子 守候著你跟隨著你
那個男人愛著你 心卻在哭泣
還需要多久 多長 多傷
你才會聽見他沒說的話
堅強像謊言一樣 不過是一種偽裝
他只希望有個機會能被你愛上
還需要多久 多長 多渴望
你才會走向他 貼在他的身旁
微笑像謊言一樣 是最起碼的假裝
眼淚只能躲藏
那個男人愛著你 忘記了自己
從此他小心翼翼 靜靜等待愛情
他情願選擇相信 為了你不言不語
那個男人愛著你 傷埋在回憶
不論要多久 多長 多傷
他還是愛著你 一如往常
就好像一個傻瓜 對著那空氣說話
他會不會有個機會能被你愛上
還需要多久 多長 多渴望
你才會走向他 貼在他的身旁
微笑像謊言一樣 是最起碼的假裝
眼淚只能躲藏
那個男人就是我你知道嗎
還是知道卻假裝不知道嗎
問到沙啞 你也不會回答
還需要多久 多長 多傷
你才會聽見我沒說的話
堅強像謊言一樣 不過是一種偽裝
我只希望有個機會能被你愛上
不論要多久 多長 多受傷
我還是愛著你 每分每秒一樣
就好像一個傻瓜 對著那空氣說話
等著被你愛上
this song is so sweet!
i am so tired these days
can't really sleep properly
and keep having tummy discomfort
finally woke up today feeling much more refreshed
happy that no need go to work today!
yays!
elearning is really boring though
yest was a mad rush
last min found a mistake in the FS
then had to delay the sending out of FS to client
got scolded by typists cox they had to amend then rebind all copies of FS
was kept on my toes the entire time
when i reached home, whole body was aching
badly feel like going for a massage
:(
i had to rub some oilment on my legs in the end to soothe the aches
like some old lady liddat
anw cousin's wedding is cancelled
sighzz
long story
but it does leave me feeling more jaded about relationships and marriages than ever
seems like no decent guy can be trusted
even those that look very trustworthy
how come people dun value marriages and commitments highly anymore?
stomachache!
and i duno why it hurts
:(
feels uncomfortable
anw a supposedly relaxing week turns out quite shagged
stayed till 7.30pm at work today
sianz
the entire office qt empty
haix keep getting booked...
mon was ja mitsui
tdy was BR
:(
anw we had uob meeting this morn
seems like lotsa work lined up for us...
yest was great!
lunch with mummy at bishan ambush
then went JB in e afternoon!
:)
it was fun!!
watched cars2 with potato wedges
ate choc cheese crepe + tacho pachi + snow ice!
shopped ard!
buy 3 pairs of pretty earrings for RM15!
ate jap sushi for dinner
a fulfilling day!
bought lotsa chewing gum too....
hehe
let's do it agn soon!
yaysie!
the coming week is elearning week!
so i am gona "legally" not go to work except for mon cox i want to try to catch my mentor to consult him regarding the compliance option thingy, hopefully he'll be ard
and also wed cox will uobkh meeting in the morn
cross my fingers n toes tt no one will looking for me the rest of the week
so i can enjoy my unofficial week of leave!
hehehee
ask me out! cox i am free!
a week of freedom before uobkh officially starts next wk, will there for 2 weeks for interims
tomorrow is mid autumn fest alr!
having cramps today :(
kinda painful....
luckily my TOP meeting was postponed..
wanna curl into a ball on my bed
hey dear,
this is for u
i may have written a card to you separately
but i tink i have more to tell you
esp since i jus read ur blog
when i read ur blog, i felt alittle like crying
cox i feel ur pain and helplessness
yet there is little i can do to relieve ur situation
many a times i feel the same way as u do
i feel jaded, i feel confused
why do marriages end?
how can people who once loved each other deeply turn away from one another in a blink of an eye after their many years of courtship and marriage?
do they still remember the vows they said?
do they still recall the tender touch, the comforting hugs, the passionate kisses and the deep felt love they once gave and had for each other?
do they still hold the precious memories they shared close to their hearts or have they dissipated with time and been replaced with hatred, misunderstandings and unforgiveness?
will mistakes no longer be tolerated and things they once love about each other now become thorns in the flesh?
sometimes i feel stupid too
why i still want to believe that i can be loved and love in return when there is no one who can truely guarantee they can do the same for me all my life?
but remember we have an one true love
a perfect example of love
even when it seems like there is no real life examples of love with so many failed examples ard us
God presented himself as our perfect example
We loved because he first loved us. (1 John 4:19)
i can never promise that the person u will be with in the future will never disappoint u nor hurt u but please do still believe in love
because i believe that God has someone in mind for each of us
it doesn't mean that if others have not succeeded that u will not succeed in your own
it's a blessing to build up a christian family
and to bring up your own children in the fear and fevor of God
imagine what a sweet smelling incense it would be to our Lord
many of us are afraid of commitment because this world has taught us that nothing lasts forever
but He has proven it wrong
His love is eternal
to be made in his likeness brings us to aspire to be more like him in nature as well
likewise, we should aim to demostrate this love
i can never say i will truely understand how u feel, my dear gal
but i can only promise you that i will pray for u
pray that he will watch over u especially at ur darkest moments
and accompany u during ur needful times
if u need me, please feel free to call
dun be afraid to break down and cry
because letting it all out
is really better than keeping it in all the time
putting up a front all day
so that others may know u're alright is what we always do
it's jus tt we never realise that it doesn't help
because deep inside, we are still wishing someone will reach out and say i care, i really do understand and show that extra love to us
so we end up hurting ourselves
because we expect others to care for us when we dun allow them to come near or know what we are truely thinking
u're really a dear friend to me and a sister of christ that i hold close to my heart
in fact u're there for me for most of the times i need someone to talk to
u've been a great listener esp at times when i need to vent and someone i seek advice from
afterall, we've been frens for 10 years already
and i want to say you have inspired me in certain ways
in recent years, you have made me want to walk closer to God and serve him in more areas esp since i see you happy in the areas u're serving God, in terms of choir, the teaching of students etc in the past, u have made me more motivated to keep my friends close, cox u often write little notes of encouragement to ur frens or prepare gifts for them...
i have seen how God has transformed you and made you a woman of Christ in accordance to his will
how u are willing to sacrifice ur personal time for him and serve him to build up his church
therefore i believe that you can continue to be a vessel for him
where you can be a blessing to the others around u like u have been to me....
i hope that this verse will continue to encourage u because whenever i feel weak, i remember this verse...
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
we are weak but our God is strong
and even through our weaknesses, he can display his power through us
i believe that he will continue to use u to touch others' lives
hence may he be ur pillar of strength during this time
as your comforter and your friend
love ya loads and will keep u in my prayers...
a big hug from me to you...
i remember a while ago i had this outburst at church as well as i had confided in some about my worries about my career
i alwys had no idea what i wanted to do in my career and felt that i never had an option to choose what i really want to do
i always thought i wanted to choose a compliance job in the future
though i have no idea why i have such interest in it
but i know deep within me whenever i do my audit engagements, i always wished i could be given the compliance portion of the audit
now that the opportunity presented itself
it is so sudden and unexpected!
i think God really knows what i am seeking for
i prayed for open doors (in terms of career, relationships, church work etc)
I think he really answers them in his own way and time
in ways i least expected him to
at least now for career and church work, i see His hand in these areas as some new opportunities are presenting themselves
like what i have previously mentioned about the new committess I have joined in church (YAM, ABC, TOP)
and now this opportunity at work has came
i think this option now is a blessing from God and a good chance to try out if this is really suitable for me
in fact it allows me a preview of what to expect in compliance, rather then having to jump straight into the actual job in the future without knowing whether it'll be what i want
however, i feel very skeptical and apprehensive
cox i do not know if it will affect my performance appraisal and portfolio esp since next year is gona be my senior year and my promotion year
to summarise the current situation,
my senior manager has asked 4 of us (2 A11s including myself and 2 senior yr 2s) from my dept whether we would like to take up the option to do regulatory compliance work under my compliance director while doing lesser audit jobs
cox currently my compliance director is working alone and she needs additional help as more jobs require compliance assistance due to the nature of the industry and services they provide
i will still continue to keep my roles in kay hian and BR, jus that i prob have a smaller role to play in them
i will have to stay at least 1 yr in this situation
however i can choose to revert back to full time audit if i dislike the option
at first i was quite worried it's a downward transfer cox recently there are a few people who were forced to transfer to another dept which is apparently a dumping ground as we are currently overstaffed at my dept
but the senior manager and compliance head assured me that it's due to my portfolio that i am chosen due to my exposure to certain clients
Pros:
- allow me more exposure to compliance which i have interest in, allow me to venture into something different
- supposedly a shorter peak period since i will be taking on less audit jobs
- can do less audit jobs which i dislike
- better performance appraisal since i need to impress my compliance director mainly only
- improve my resume since i will be supposedly more specialised, have a niche area
- maybe i will finally find somthing that i like and discover a career that i want
Cons:
- maybe more workload since not enough resources
- possible that my portfolio when i become a senior will be filled with shitty jobs if i decide to discontinue with the option
- will not get to try out a mix of audit jobs, less audit exposure
- maybe worse performance appraisal if my compliance director dislike my work
- more sai gang? might not learn much also
sighz so far after asking around and gathering much opinions
i think i should take a leap of faith
and give myself a chance
i can only pray that interest will continue to motivate me regardless of any repercussions
actually, after considering so long
it seems like it's a very small issue
but then it does worry me so
so please forgive me if i seem to be making a fuss over nothing
it seems coincidental that a while ago, i was reading in the daily bread
about the goodness of work
most christians would feel that work is a curse from God due to the fall of man because of Adam and Eve
but it's a wrong assumption
because
firstly, God himself worked for 6 days to create nature and he declared that it's good
next, even before the fall, God already assigned work to man
which was to rule over all of earth and the animals within
Work is actually a way that God gave us so as to take care of our needs
through work, we can also bear witness in our words and deeds
that others may see a true christian testimony even in the corporate world
then after reading, i prayed that i may do my best at work and bring honour to His name through my words and deeds
to destress today, i went on a grocery shopping spree!
bought choc crossiants for breakfast, habibo gummies for colleagues to share,
my must-buy Jack n Jill BBQ potato chips, Cheezels, Roller Coaster as well as Kinder Bueno!
oh man!
been thinking and worrying alot since i heard about the news yesterday
so i need to buy comfort food!
bad habits never die
was quite irritated with my church elder also
because he invited me to join the TOP committee previously
and he assigned me a task of searching for SLA successful bids and computing & doing up an analysis of the prices per sq feet for the land
which i could not find the relevant info when i searched the SLA website
i smsed him for help to send the link or the softcopy info
he din reply for qt a while
then when i emailed him,
he replied with the info attached, saying "It's so simple to obtain the information from the website......etc"
he is implying that i am dumb lo
i am not putting enough effort to search for them
HELLO? i am the one helping out here can
volunteering my services to assist you and faciliate you
when he asked if i could help out in the committee
he still tell me dun worry, if i have any problems, he will help out
tsktsk
he now acts as if i owe him anyth liddat
i am the one taking time out of my work schedule to rush out sth for u
arghhhh
if not for the fact
that i convinced myself that I am doing this for Christ, and not for him
I would have flared up and say i refuse to help
but this verse popped up in my head
and i decided to refrain from acting rashly
Galatians 1:10
Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.
yays finally managed to get into H&M today!!
happies!
i tink i would not have gotten anything if not for my patient companion
:)
hahas cox i see all the clothes strewn everywhere and the mass of people
i already feel like heading towards the door already
but then my patient companion persuaded me otherwise
so managed to search through the piles and got 1 top and 1 skirt!
yaysie!
finally got to shop at the long-anticpated place!
hehehehe
then got 2 basic spagetti tops from F21 too!
a girl can really never have enuff clothes!
there is still so much i want to buy!
so much for my supposedly curbing of expenditure!
hahahahs
lots of things cropped up today at work though
sighz
silly IT and my senior driving me mad
i dun feel like going back to work tomorrow!
wish everyday is like today
can shop till i drop!
La la la-la la la, Sing a happy song. La la la-la la la, Smurf the whole day long.
the song is stuck in my head
hehehe
YAYS!
finally got to watch smurf after work today with my pet and ping ping!
it's esp fun to watch with 2 cute friends
hahas cox when they laugh, u feel like laughing too
and the show is really nice!
the smurfs are awfully cute!
i want a smurf hug too!!
and it's so sweet to say "i smurf u!"
the new cafe huggs is opened at 29th floor pantry today!
so got this opening promo: a free coffee/tea for every food purchase
hehe we went there for lunch!
i am bcuming piggish
after having breakfast, i feel hungry
after having lunch, i also feel hungry
anw work was quite sian today
cox got caught after lunch to go this new client's place to photocopy all afternoon long
boring
but then i realised japanese clients are really polite
my client gave me cold japanese green tea to drink
hehe
clumsy me!
my foot hurts now
cox i clamped my foot when i tried to close the cab door
so i tink my foot now got blue black or rather feels like one
feels quite sore at the part when the door slammed it
quite stupid actually
it was quite obvious that it was gona close onto my foot but i still closed the door anw
so dumb
sighzz
a break given to myself today!
watched glee 3d concert and ate kenny rogers
shopped at expo sales! both borders and john little!
satisfying day!
:)
giving in my insatiable fetish for stocking up of facial and make up products...
cox i can't buy anymore bags and clothes for now
so ended up trying to spend in other areas to satisy my retail therapy needs
hahas
supposed to try to curb my spending so as to replenish my depleting account balance due to the Europe expenditure but i dun tink i am succeeding
end up spending more on food and other material things
hehehe
wkend will be a mad rush!
sat gona meet aug batch peeps
night picnic at barrage!
sun starts with church in the morn,
then gona meet christine n juliana for lunch,
nana for tea
then family dinner!
H&M opens tomorrow!
woohoo!
need to jio ppl to shop with me one day!
i wan watch smurfs!
the cute little blue elves! :)
oh yea yest nite went mortons' bar with colleagues
the steak sandwiches and martinis were good!
yums
then watched FD5 with muffins!
it's gross and gory
but okies la i survived!
I hate to admit it
but it still bugs me
anw i have this weird feeling, am anticipating my bdae
though i have no special plans
despite having taken leave on that day
but i still feel that it would come faster
trying not to feel emo...
sometimes i wish my memories can be wiped clean
then i will be like a clean slate
instead of feeling so jaded about everything
yest nite watched Man U VS Arsenal!
cox it was on channel 5 though it wasn't live
:)
quite exciting lei
score was 8-2
was actually watching soccer everyday in Europe too
hahahas sports channel was the only channel that i din have a language barrier in
oh man it's kinda a good thing that i dun have access to sports channels in Spore
else every nite i will be losing my sleep over it
hehe
王心凌 - 不哭
作词：吴本纬
作曲：秀智
起初 相信爱的路 终点是指向幸福
才会一而再的选择让步
太固执而盲目 忘了停下来
心疼自己的无助
无辜 你拿手演出 终于我可以麻木
从这里分割出两个国度
挥霍多少时间 折磨多少痛苦
才累积出的领悟
忍住不哭 我要忍住不哭
望向天空不让眼泪流出
抬头看进云深处 等待那日出
把故事结束 把从前一笔 消除
忍住不哭 我要忍住不哭
不能认输因为我相信 彩虹总跟着薄雾
会带来幸福 在下一个叉路
陪我跳全新的舞
起初 相信爱的路 终点是指向幸福
才会一而再的选择让步
太固执而盲目 忘了停下来
心疼自己的无助
无辜 你拿手演出 终于我可以麻木
从这里分割出两个国度
挥霍多少时间 折磨多少痛苦
才累积出的领悟
忍住不哭 我要忍住不哭
望向天空不让眼泪流出
抬头看进云深处 等待那日出
把故事结束 把从前一笔 消除
忍住不哭 我要忍住不哭
不能认输因为我相信 彩虹总跟着薄雾
会带来幸福 在下一个叉路
陪我跳全新的舞
was reading daily bread and was very comforted by tdy's msg
He "gives life and breath to everything and he satifies every need" Acts 17:25
while Jesus sometimes provides for us differently than might expect, our Saviour keeps us going whether we are broken hearted, in need of money or enduring illness
it still amazes me that The God who sustains the universe sustains me
how wonderful is that thought!
many a times things dun go the way i want them to
i may never know the reason
but i know i just to keep moving ahead and he will help me move on
sometimes i still look back
and wondered what i did wrong, which step i took wrongly and wondered if things would have turned out differently if i have behaved differently
but in the end i alws tell myself
that no matter what i do now, i can never change the past
all i can do now is just try to pick up the ends and mend the bridges
and hopefully things will just look up from now
there may be regrets and disappointments
but learning to put them aside is part of my journey too
maybe some things are just not meant to be
on a side note,
there is so many movies coming up!
smurfs!
glee 3d!
and the musical wicked!
i want to watch them all!!!!!
am worried
doc says mummy got diabetics
her diet has got to change
need to stop overeating and cut down on sugar n salt
sighzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
duno wat to do also
:(
I'M BACK!!
i miss home!
and everybody
i even miss work
strange hahas
miss daddy's cooking and fruits
miss simple things in life
like having lunch with jiemeis
anw i am happy to be back!
with lotsa purchases!
esp with my LV and prada bags!
hehehe
never thot of myself as a branded bag person
but then looking at them really makes me super happy
hahas
super materialistic hor
sighz
hahahas
lotsa photos taken!
can't wait to upload them
but there are so many!
am so tired now
still feeling qt jetlagged
so many hrs of flight
tink i watched like almost 9 movies to and fro
hahas
enjoyed myself thoroughly
surrounded with the arty farty italy filled with ancient history stories, churches with stained glass
the walls all round seems to echo of events that happened long ago
the man made beauty amazed me
of how man could create such wonderful architecture and sculptures
the scenic switzerland which allowed me to enjoy winter in summer
temperatures went down to almost -2 degrees in 1 day and 0.9 degrees on the 2nd day
when we went up the mountains abt 3000 feet about sea level
almost froze to death since we forgot to prepare winter wear
piled on like 3 layers of clothes to keep warm
the green grass and blue sky suddenly transiting into snow capped mountains contrasting with the sunlight glittering against the frozen ice
i was amazed at the god-made beauty of nature
france-paris was shopper's paradise
where the shopaholic in me was unleased
long queues of people buying all the high end brands
made me so tempted to buy everything
reveal to me the tangible beauty of material things
i would say this trip was a good mix of good food, scenic beauty, both man made and natural, as well as shopping satisfaction
a good break taken at the right time
:)
night world!
this gal needs to crash into her bed alr
it's been more than 24 hrs without proper slp
after abt 14 hrs of flight
had an outburst during cep during
never knew i had so much deep felt emotions abt my job that i needed to vent
when we were discussing abt the different stages of lives we were at
and i was asked to share abt mine
i totally jus ranted about how sick i am about working
being jaded and not knowing what is god's will for me in my career
i feel that these few years of my life are super messed up
i feel very lost
i have no idea what i want in life
and i do not know what God wants me to do actually
accountancy was never my choice and all this time, i am simply hanging in there jus bcox i am either too lazy to go figure out what i really want or simply because i just dunwan to waste all these efforts i have put in so far
after ranting all to the others in my cep grp
the older adults were very encouraging
they told me to persevere on
auntie chun cheng says frm her experience as a hiring personnel in a bank
that i need to hang in there for at least 2 more years
because this is the foundation i need to move on further in my career
all thru out our lives
we are seeking god's will
i know God's hand is in every step i take
i realised that even though sometimes i may take the wrong step
he somehow can turn it into something good in the end
i am slowly figuring out recently
that maybe God does use me in his own ways
it is interesting to see how my profession can help him build his church in many ways
1) being treasurer in upcoming Assembly Bible Camp 2011 (ABC)
2) in the Young Adults Committee
3) helping out in financial portion of the building & renovation works
i see a lack of ppl who are in my line of profession in church
and hence maybe he saw the need to develop me in this area
even though all i see in my future now is a blank
but i tink all i have to do is trust and know he will guide
If God closes this door, then i believe he will open another window for me...
on a lighter note,
i need to design a night cycling t-shirt by 20th!
the event is gona be on 29th aug
tried wild honey with suez n joycie tdy!
besties always!
yums love having breakfast there
even though it was alr 4 plus
we waited almost an hr to be seated
abit overhyped
but otherwise a very chill place
i alwys thot as long as i put up a happy front
no one will know how messed up i am inside
but guess i was wrong
europe shld be a good chance to take a break frm my messed up life for a while
i know everyone is envious of my europe trip
but somehow i can't make myself happy abt it
i feel that the only reason i can be happy about leaving is that i am kinda throwing all my problems in sg and running away
somehow try as i might, doing everything i can to make myself happy with the meeting of all my frens and eating all the things i like,
i still do not feel complete.
it's amazing how little things around u remind u of someone
whenever i go to a place which i have went with another person before
i will recall the previous experience
sometimes i look back with a smile on my face
but sometimes i look back, wishing i can turn back time
wishing that we are still that way
i wonder if our paths were actually meant to cross in the first place
i wonder if things wld have turned out differently if we moved on slower
and if i din take things into my own hands
i wonder if there was supposed to be any future
and sometimes i almost imagined it to be a sweet dream
that seems so distant and yet recent
almost unattainable once more
every experience is a learning journey
everyone is precious in my eyes
because they all contributed to a beautiful memory that i will keep
joanna asked me what makes u happy in life and
she asked me what makes me sad
what makes me happy:
being loved makes me happy
what makes me sad:
when things do not go the way i want them to and when i feel that i have put in my best effort and yet i do not get what i feel i deserve
dear joanna, i hope u find ur true happiness in Him
we're all truely blessed in our own ways
whenever i feel upset
i will count my blessings and thank Him for giving me so much
a wonderful & loving family
a roof over my head
financial security
frens who care for me
then i will feel ashamed for feeling sorry abt myself
recently i have been keeping myself occupied to keep out the emptiness within
no one is irreplaceable
and i suppose i wun be an exception to anyone too
sometimes it can be difficult to live with this fact
but we all got to face it i guess
looking back, i sometimes wished i was more appreciative of others' efforts
because maybe that is a way of saying that i really care too
tired but happy!
finally finished 6 days of feasting and meet-ups with everyone!
yaysie!
feeling super fat!
having gone thru 2 buffets and 3 birthday celebrations which equals to cake!
faints
lotsa foodddddd in my tummmy
hahahas
i tink i am gona get roped in to help out for the preparation of the financial costing portion of the proposal of the A&A works being proposed to HDB for the renovation of church
suddenly got a call from uncle tuck keong today when i was abt to leave church
called to go for some urgent meeting
totally caught off guard
he din even ask me beforehand abt it
sighzzz
to think that i was just praying for open doors and opportunities to serve recently
but then at the same time, was also worried since i am currently also helping out in the church camp planning committee and the young adults ministry
though all these involvements are all on an ad hoc basis
i am still kinda afraid i can't cope
but i have already decided that if anyone asks me to help out in anyth relating to church work
i shall not reject
so there goes
pray hard for me tt i can cope with all that i have on my plate, in conjunction with work amongst other things kk!
:)
my snr ryan keeps smsing stuff i need to do for BR!
ahhhhh
stressed!
:(
this week has been hectic!
has been and will continue to go out from tues to sun!
superrr tired now
but feels really fulfilling
happy to see all the friends that i seldom meet
esp before i fly off to europe
which explains why i am so proactive at asking to meet them now
bcox it will be 2 long weeks before i come back!
workwise, has been doing ad hoc Blackrock stuff
it's seriously neverending
am so sick of it
i tink this will continue till end of august or sth
let's hope it wun drag on
dec year end job do until aug v lang bei lei
sighz
am super sian
got 2 super shitty jobs in the month of oct that totally spills into my bdae week
i had this idealistic wish of going taiwan during my bdae
sighzz which will never come true now seeing the current situation
argh i dunwan to work with the person on my job!!!!
:(
luckily i managed to take leave on my bdae!
so i dun have to work on tt day
yays!
am compiling an album of photos for this week!
yays!
love taking photos!
so many restaurants i wan to try!
em by the river
wild honey
indochine
etc...
i really tink alfresco restaurants are very romantic
and places like demsey and clarke quay still seems to hold some sort of fairytale like charm over me
everytime i go these places, i feel like falling in love
and will have a thot of going these places with the person i love
hahahas
i really tink i sux at taking care of myself
always thot i have improved but gex not much afterall
hahahs
got a blue black without knowing how i got it, and now it's super obv
ate ice cream, forgetting that i am nt supp to cox it's the time of the month
and now suffering the consequences for it
forgetting to bring my cardigan to work and shivering like crazy today
etc..
need to be less forgetful and take care of myself!
if there is currently no one who is willing to take care of me, then i ought to take care of myself!
cannot be reliant on others anymore
sighz
sometimes i tink God must have a really hard time with me
i must be the most stubborn and rebellious child of God
hahas
he often has to prompt me so often till he ends up shouting at me before i come to my senses
by the time i actually listened to him, i will be so bruised and battered by the trials and struggles i went through
which is really dumb of me
bcox i could have simply listened to him in the first place and avoided all these unnecessary sufferings
but it is jus my human nature
which is why i can really identify with the song "Thank You Lord"
which a verse goes like this:
"But it goes against the way i am
to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all i do
Because when those trials come,
My human nature shouts the things to do
and God's soft prompting can be easily ignored"
am really glad that i went for today's morning ministry and cep!
morning ministry was by uncle kenneth wong
and it was really good
on the parable of the sower
in particular the seeds that fell upon thorny ground
"the thornies"
these seeds which received the Word of God are choked by life's worries, riches and pleasures
he then went on to explain these 3 thorns individually
what really spoke to me was the thorn of worries/cares/pressures of life
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6 -7
"Cast all your cares upon him for he cares for you" 1 Peter 5:7
time and time again he reminds us that worry is a sin
but i've always been a worrybug
especially in recent months
cep was especially applicable tdy
it was on the last few chaps of Job
we were discussing on the topic of how Job asked God for answers to his suffering
and God replied by revealing his sovereignty and how he is in control of all things
i have been asking God for an answer in the recent months and have been wondering why God doesn't answer me or maybe he has answered and i have been not listening?
but i realised that God answers in ways unique to each individual that only the individual himself or herself will understand, in his own time
God will not deny anyone of an answer because like a father to his children, God is a revealing god and would want his children to understand his rationale behind his actions
Job 42:1-2
Then Job replied to the LORD:
“I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted."
nth I do will change God' plan for me
i need only to wait upon him...
Date a Guy who Loves Jesus
Date the guy who has his heart set on having God’s heart. Date a guy who’s captured by Christ.
There’s nothing more beautiful than seeing that strong man that you’ve known melt in compassion and reverence in the presence of God. To see him fall to his knees, with tears in his eyes and hands held high, without a care to the world watching him. But you will notice, this guy’s got something.
Date the guy who’s not afraid to show it.
You’re lucky if you get him, for they’re not easy to find. They might say that they believe, just to be close to you. But if you find a guy who really loves God, hold on to him. The guy who loves Jesus will respect you. He’ll pursue you, pray for you, treasure you. He won’t pressure you or control you, but gently walk beside you and lead you. He will appreciate you as the gift and beauty you are, and remind you of it every day. The guy who loves Jesus will worship with you. He’ll pray for you, he’ll pray with you. He will lead you with strong hands, stand up when you can’t… but remind you that only God can satisfy. He’ll search you out like the Proverbs 31 Woman, and love you with agape like only he can. Date a guy who loves Jesus with everything he is. He’ll be good to you, he’ll treat you well, and when you spend your life with him, it will be beautiful. He’s been created just for you, and together you’ll find and follow your purpose. Date a guy who loves Jesus because you deserve it. and when you finally find him, don’t forget to thank God every single day he’s around. Or better yet, marry a guy who loves Jesus.
credits to http://nonelikejesus.tumblr.com/
tomorrow is THE day!!
the day of the CPA exam!
scared scared scared!
esp since we're gona have accounting class before the exam
and we have to cram all that info into our heads before we are tested
:(
jiayous everyone!
am supposed to be studying now
opps
wish me lotsa luck kk!
i miss those days where u wld bring me for dinner & suppers after work...
can u feel it whenever i miss u?
did u ever think of me?
i shldn't be emo!
i am always a happy gal!
teach me to conceal my thoughts and my feelings in front of u....
but yet everyth seems to remind me of u..
had a throbbing headache yest when i went running
my head throbbed with each step i took
as in the movement vibrated through my head
sighz
i have been eating every 2 hrs!
arghhh
am hungry!!
feeling great after my night nap!
been feeling super tired recently
somehow studying seems more energy-draining than working
have been on a binge lately
been eatin loads
ever since the course started
every evening on my way back, i will have an urge to buy food-related items
mon was potato chips
tues: snacks and more potato chips
wed: breadtalk bread
hahas
i jus need food therapy to keep me awake while studying
or rather jus to relieve my exam stress
scaring myself silly by acting so drastically
hmmmmm
been a long while since i underwent such buying food spree
i want to watch harry potter!!
it's out!!!
excited!
koped frm tv:
even if the tears have dried up
doesnt mean the pain is no longer there
it will always remain in ur heart
u do not know that i miss u because u doubt me
but do u noe that u're always on my mind?
hilda feels like she's back in school days!
the STI auditorium in capitol tower really feels like NTU LT
and it's really been a year since i actually left sch and my books behind
as well as thrown all that accounting knowledge far far away
hahas
today was the first day of CPA course!
like finally am embarking on what i wan to achieve!
am on unfamiliar grounds
super not used to studying and being a student again
esp since the first day of classes was on taxation
my worse subject in sch!
nearly funked it
but then this ntu lecturer tdy really made me change my mindset twds taxation
kinda wished he was my tutor back then
then prob my grades would have been far better!
he was really funny and entertaining, breaking down all the facts simply and giving illustrations to explain the concepts
really kinda missed the school days all of a sudden
never felt this way before
cox i always preferred working to studying
but now i really wana go back to sch days
it also made me think abt hall days
and abt you
how u were always there with me, accompanying my everyday
thank you. :)
for all the happy memories
went for the sentosa deloitte carnival yest
we went so late
most of the activities were ending already
had carls junior for dinner
then headed off to titanium for drinks
the place is kinda cool
they had mandopop and thai disco performances all the way
then the performers are really good
they can sing and dance really well
super entertaining
drank qt abit
about 5-6 cups
felt super giddy at first
but was alright after i took a break
poor hy puked
:(
nightly i am trying to keep awake while waiting for u to sms
the disappointment is far too great for me to bear
because i tell myself time and time again
maybe tomorrow when he's less tired,
he'll remember me...
but tomorrow will just be the same as today
too many chances given
too many disappointments
too many what ifs
do i still matter?
went last nite with selene to gospel rally at bethesda depot walk
super ulu place
uncle kian huat, in my opinion, was abit nervous cox he had to simplify alot of christian jargon
abit disappointing to see no one willing to come forward to accept salvation
but i am sure that god will continue to speak to them and bring them to him in his own time and ways
there was this story that he used to illustrate that really touched me
it was about this accident that ocurred on the japanese subway
there was a drunkard who slipped and fell upon the tracks when the train was approaching
2 students saw and jumped down onto the tracks to pull the drunkard safely upon the platform
however, as the intervals between trains were about only 1 minute
they were unable to climb up themselves in time
in the end, the 2 promising students perished
the drunkard, awakened, turned back and saw the blood upon the tracks
in fear, he ran into the crowd, never to be found.
when the story was published and raised, there was a public outcry
as one of the students was the only son of a widow
how could the drunkard be so ungrateful for these 2 young men's sarcrifice for him
months later, the drunkard sobbered up and went to seek the widow for forgiveness
the widow said:
My only son died for you,
why did you run away?
the drunkard answered:
I was afraid.
when i heard the story, i was thinking we often run awy in fear
but this gift of salvation is far too great to run away from...
I can only pray that more will come to the knowledge of Him.
can I bottle up our happy memories together,
the laughter, the joy and times spent together
seal it with a kiss
and let the waves take it away?
can I bottle up the tears, the pain and sorrow
the times I felt my heart was gona break
pour them upon the beach
and let the waves wash them away?
koped this off fb:
The Greatest Irony of Love
Loving the right person at the wrong time,
having the wrong person when the time is right,
and finding out you love someone right after
that person walks out of your life.
And sometimes,
you think you're already over a person,
but when you see them smile at you,
you'll suddenly realise that you're just pretending
to be over them just to ease the pain of knowing
that they will never be yours again.
For some, they think letting go is one way of expressing how much they love that person.
In my opinion, some are afraid to see the only one they love,
being held by someone else.
Most relationships tend to fail
not because of the absence of love.
Love is always present,
It's just that one was being loved too much,
and the other was being loved too little.
As we all know, the heart is the center of the body,
but it beats on the left.
Maybe that's the reason why the heart is not always right.
More often, we fall in love with the person we think we love,
to only discover that, for them, we are just passing time
while the one who truly loves us remains
either a friend or a stranger.
So, here's a piece of advice:
Let go when you're hurting too much,
Give up when love isn't enough,
And move on when things are not like before.
For sure, there is someone out there,
who will love you even more.
feel that something has changed
nt sure for the better or worse
fading with time ba
yest went for a run agn!
alwys feel so exhausted after a run
oh wells on the way to being fit!
hahas
watched transformers tdy!
great movie with lotsa action
loved it esp since it was 2 and a half hrs
super value for money
hahas cheapo!
love the way the cars can transform, way cool!
thinking of the camp theme
abit lack of ideas though
during cep today, as we study the book of Job for the past few weeks and the weeks to come,
uncle daniel mentioned about how God does not answer us about why we go through certain things such as trials and temptations
but we still ought to take the leap of faith and trust irregardless of the countless things we do not understand
because his wisdom is far beyond our human capacity
makes me recall what selene told me about hw she learnt the most through God's silence
we often ask God "why this? why that? why make me go through all this, God?"
and we get upset when God does not answer us
but does knowing the answer really makes us happy?
sometimes all we need is to trust and believe that he will make our ways straight
Job 23:10, "But he knows the way i take, when he has tested me, i will come forth as gold"
i hope that at the end of my trial, i can come through it smiling and say thank god!
what a thing to look forward to!
i love packing my days to the max
but as i grow older, i start to feel my stamina really deteriorating
i am easily tired and sleepy
hahas can no longer stay up till the wee hrs unlike the hostel days
sat was fun! spent with the muffins having korean food celebrating willy's bdae
and going to alley bar for drinks
woke up sun morn feeling v exhausted
skipped morn worship svc and went for cep only instead
then off in the afternoon for tract distribution for gospel rally
gave off the tracts to the different housing units in the block
hope that the residents will come for gospel rally
anw in case anyone reads this and is interested
pls ask me abt it!
gospel rally
thi fri, sat and sun, 9th to 11 july
7.30pm!
will have songs, food and a message!
can come any day
fri is abt Faith!
sat abt Hope!
sun abt Love!
it's gona be at bethesda hall at depot walk
i hope that anyone will ask me to bring him/her and give me a reason to go!
hahas
otherwise i will be really too lazy to go all the way there on my own
then went for facial n signed for package!
:( my face is super red with marks all over!
super ugly
it really hurts like mad wen she was getting rid of all the dirt inside
sighz i feel so disgusted with my oily face
i hope they all heal and i will have perfect complexion
super envious of others with porcelain skin
then off to dinner with family!
daddy bought durian!
yays
thurs went for gym at reen's hse!
love the simple ease of being with her, exercising and catching up
caught a meal at the nearby hawker centre aft tt while watching my 9pm channel 8 drama
we're gona do it agn next wk!
yays
i had a nightmare las nite
it was all my fears coming true
scary
happy start to my day yest!
:)
simple breakfast and simple company
really appreciated the effort...
wish everyday was like that..
hahas
went for a run yest after work
felt really tired after that
but i feel great that i am on my way to being fit
though i dun see any results so far
hahas
oh i tink it def makes me feel better aft having tt sinful gong cha during lunch
jus the thot of having gong cha at international plaza near office makes me happy!
i nv thot gong cha wld have a branch there
hahas
totally makes up for the disappointment that eskimo has shifted awy
hehe
i am sucha bigggg fan of bubble tea!
finally signed up for uob ladies card!
cox they came for a roadshow at our office pantry
it was so much more convenient!
we cld jus run up and print our payslip n pass to them..
looking fwd to getting my pretty credit card soon!
i duno why i keep making u angry
the thing is sometimes i have no idea how i did it
when i have absolutely no intention to
sighz
i am onto retail therapy!
within less than half an hr, bought and transferred payment for 1 maxi skirt which can double as a dress, 1 tube dress and a top!
i am sucha shopaholic!
gave myself an excuse to shop since payday is today!
hahas
but the thing is i'm already having no savings for last month and this month due to the CPA exam fees and the church camp fees
ahhhhhh
but i cannot resist my shopping temptation
cox alot of new collection launches today!
yippeee!
:)
shopping makes me happy!
now i totally unstd hw suez alwys cant wait to get her hands on the clothes she buy online hehe
i am awaiting my own self-bought pressieS!
hahas
i will do all things to make myself happy!
gorging myself with happy food, buying new clothes, running to vent my frustration
i jus wan to find back myself agn
i dunwan u to be upset with me
i noe i disappointed u agn
am sorry
i jus dunwan to stir up more shit
我們都傻
詞曲:陳威全
演唱:楊丞琳
計算著為你流下了多少眼淚
就代表又對我的心 撒了 多少謊
但每次我都選擇 選擇相信
相信你是 愛我的
倔強的以為我真的能改變妳
看妳裝無辜的眼神 我很窒息
難道妳沒有看見 看見我對妳的好
還是妳忘了 那些數不清的愛情軌跡
你說我傻 傻在愛上只懂愛自己的人
我說你傻 傻在愛她你的眼睛騙不了人
我們都傻 傻在為一段沒有未來的愛情付出
還在期待會有奇蹟出現
你說我傻 傻在愛上沒有感情的分身
我說你傻 傻在愛她就固執的奮不顧身
我們都傻 傻在寧願被犧牲也不願放棄天真
還在期待會有奇蹟出現
我覺得自己好沒用
常常守不住握在手裡的東西
所以一旦失去了
我也只能認輸 只能後悔 一點辦法都沒有
on mc today
havin flu and sorethroat
the weather matches my mood
gloomy and dark
walking in the rain
i do not know the diff between the raindrops and the tears falling inside of me
have u really given up on us?
took this off facebook:
we’re different in many ways, so we try a little more each day.
we're close as friends but a little more, so we love more day to day.
to love someone requires strength
but to let someone u love go requires courage
and to do this time after time again is so difficult
i dun tink i have the ability to do so this time
it has only been less than 24hrs
and i alr miss u
i feel dumb
that u are having lotsa fun over there
yet i am here feeling miserable
my throat hurts
i feel tt i am falling sick.
my church fren says i am totally not myself today
pls tell me hw to behave
inside of me, i keep thinking abt whether i am making the right decision
i keep telling myself tt if it's meant to be, then it's meant to be
but it hurts
this is not what i want
but this is for the best for now
church camp at cameron highlands was so rewarding!
felt renewed and nourished by the word
a time away from the world and time alone with God has taught me much
and changed my mindset towards things
met many new people too
went for a forest hike
9km up the mountain on a road track
then we tried a forest trail to go down the mountain, went trudging through mud, trees and branches
so scary and chilly
luckily had some guys to give us a hand wenever the trail was tricky
never used my arm and leg muscles so much ever since cheer
am aching all over now
my shoes and limbs were caked with mud when i was done
definitely a memorable experience
am awed by God's creation
the majestic greenness of the mountains and the blueness of the beautiful sky coupled with the refreshing cold breeze is just a wonderful sight
i can't help but am amazed at how wonderful he is
but now i am back
i feel that i am thrown back into reality again
i find it a struggle to apply those concepts into life
i am so stubborn
argh
hate it that my dad refuses to give in to me
annoying
hate it that once i come back, i create trouble for my friends
i am jus too quarrelsome
every spiritual union is a blessing from god
let me learn patience frm this and wait upon the lord for his answer
during the workshops, i obtained the realisation of how God worked in my life all these while
"Return to God, and he will return to you"
i realised how he pursued me with such fervent passion
and yet i ignored him
how he used trials to draw me closer to him
i have agreed to join the church camp committee for 2012
bcox i wan to serve him with joy
and to enable others to reap much from the camp as well
it's amazing to be pursued by an everlasting love
all things appear strangely dim as compared to his love
there seems to be much i will do for you
but yet so little u can do for me
though the things i do seem to be so easy and mundane
but bcox they are things i will never did before and always put off doing for others
they are significant at least in my eyes
i hope that they mean sth to u too
yest nite was TCC 1 for 1 with willy n rj
so worth it!
then was timbre with muffins!
finally got to go timbre aft so much procastination
i realised that i am a sleepy drinker
when i drink, i will be super sleepy
my rebellious nature is more evident twds u
maybe i jus wanted to prove that i can be independent
bt i still weaken at ur words
will be awy for the next wk
at church camp
i really need this time with God
we were going on so well
i thot i could even see our future
we neglected the obstacle between us
thinking that as long as we were happy together
it wouldn't matter
but we both knew that it was a nagging issue at the back of our minds
that needed to be resolved
before we can move onto the next stage
i will never unstd why is it so hard for you to say it
i thought if i can do it, why can't u
it bothers me that you care so much
i know this current situation is the best for the both of us
bcox this way, there is no obligations
i have grown tired of waiting
and u have grown tired of trying
i feel a tinge of disappointment
at how we ended up now
i've always thought that to treasure someone is to make sure the r.s will work regardless of the obstacles or is it as what u think as stubbornness and obstinacy
i can only hope for the best
but where do we go from now on?
if u believe that once u are settled, u can come back for me
then isit really gona be that simple
when u turn back for me, will i still be there waiting for you?
or will i have moved on?
i have no answer
appearances is all that is important
i only need to appear happy in front of u and the others
the office pressures are caving in onto me
everyone is asking abt us
that sometimes i am so tired
i have not been working at all
since we have nth to do
but all these emotional pressures are taking its toll on me
how do i see u in office everyday
and not be reminded of the pain within
show me that you care by doing what u ought to do as soon as u can
otherwise i really dun tink i can hold onto u any longer
the happiness i felt which i thought was sufficient to bring us through
maybe it ain't enough for us
whenever i tink about how u decided that we are not suitable
there is this faint ache within me
that saddens me
i know you're right
that u are
but i thought that if i was able to overlook all of those
then nothing else matters to us
i was always too fast
u're always too slow for me
will 2 parallel lines ever meet?
just watched kangxi
they say giving a watch as a gift = 等待
never knew that
interesting
hahahs
and the shape determines its meaning too
if it is a square face, it means to 守候
cool!
anw went to ma maison with suez n joycie today!
hahas we revived our childhood days by playing the arcade games within the whimsy arcade at BHG!
:)
really fun!
we even won enuff tix to exchange for a pencil each
hahas
and then was my cousin's baby's shower party
had a great time even though i was abit reluctant to go at first
oh wells
blame it on my curious nature
i alwys want to know what happened in the past
yet i can't prevent the little green monster from creeping in
i dont want u to noe what i feel inside
so i try not to let it show it in my eyes and nt telling u wat i feel
and end up feeling like i ain't being honest enuff
there is no use comparing cox everyone is different afterall
there is nth that is ever gona bring the guilt i haf towards u away
everytime i tink of what i have done for u
i nv ever feel that it is enuff
u haf done anyth against me
yet i haf let u down
basking in the happiness now
isit sufficient for me?
am really glad to haf taken this long break!
really needed it
fri till tues
5 whole days!
woohoo
hahas
worked myself to death the last 4 months or so
without giving myself any leeway
it's time to let myself loose
and jus not worry abt work for once
i know that work will still pile up
and when i return, i will have the mountain to deal with
but heck it
for now, i just to relax and enjoy myself
mummy says i shld cancel my leave for mon
since i have no special plans
but i jus dunwan
i jus want tt day to rest
even if i mite not go out
i jus wan to not work
in any case am gona meet tirza and selene for lunch!
:)
sometimes i wish i am a student agn....
miss those days where i can do whatever i want
and not worry about my responsibilities
guess wat i did on my friday
i spent the day in the library
holed up in a corner reading
hahas
and borrowed a tons of books home
old habits nv died
i still insisted on bringing my book to the nearby KFC to haf my fav shrooms burger meal with cheese fries
i just need these kind of creature habits to make me feel sane agn
to find that rest and peace within me agn
did some errands too
bought some facial products, things that i keep procastinating about and nv got down to doing
hmmm went also to swim
sth i haven done for a long time
and for tt day
i am really happy
doing things by myself
being by myself
and just doing things i like
the last wk was horrid
guess i was jus close to breaking point
nv really gave myself a break
kept on pushing myself to the brink
demanded myself to be the best i cld be
and all the emotional turmoil also took its toil on me
so now i just to rest during this break
do things i like
then i will be refreshed once more
to go back to work agn on wed
wish me luck ok?
today i found rest in the lord too
everytime i go to church
i am reminded of his love
and it never fails to touch me how he can love so much
i am rather fortunate rite
having a god so great to love me, a person so small and insignificant
having a family who loves me, despite my horrid tempers
as well as people ard me who care for me in their own ways
ought to stop feeling sorry for myself
and pull myself tog again
jus give me some time kk
i will be alright in a while
just prob abit burnt out recently
overwhelmed by work, emotions everything
jus prob sick of life for a while
but i will be alright
as i have alws been
help me to learn to have the patience to be patient
like how "the daily bread" aptly reminded me
to keep anticipating, to keep hoping and to keep waiting upon the lord
for he works in his own ways and in his own time...
i ought to stop doubting
but i can't allow myself
i ought to run
but i can't bring myself away
i have 2 voices in my head
one tells me i am dumb
the other tells me that i ought to just rest and slow down
can i trust ur words and believe that u will come back for me?
or should i move on and invest in this no more?
u may say that i only want to rush into things because i am impulsive
but have u realised that progress spells sincerity and how much u value this
i need to know that i am worth it
i need to know that i matter
enough for you to want to make it work out
to u, u may tink that u dunwan to make an empty promise
but have u considered what i need
the security to know that you have confidence in us?
simply to know that you are doing your part to settle ur issues
instead of buying time to think about what you want
i duno when hearing "i just want you to be happy" can be a pain
bcox my happiness will not be determined on what you want for me
but what i want for myself
if you care too much about her to let her know
then maybe you do not care enough for me
and obviously i don't think i matter as much
i do not want history to repeat itself
bcox as much as u are afraid of getting hurt agn
i too have my own fears to cope with
You're like the sand in the hourglass, quickly slipping away, unable to grasp
and this jus reminds me of you
of how u made that promise to me that day
and how i trusted in the person who was confident enough
emoooo to the max
this week is a bad wkk
super irritated with going to work
am dragging myself everyday
today got assigned to go tuas
damn sian
nv thot this wld ever happen to me
felt like shit seriously
i hate being in sucha ulu place
sighhz
bad mood
so scary that everyone can find out so soon
everything is still speculation
but they are able to tease and guess bits and pieces of it
i guess it's cox we sux at keeping secrets
anw hoping that everyth will be low profile for now
since nth is confirmed
needing to think ahead can be daunting
but it also gives me the assurance that you are concerned about the future
and not just going with the flow and making the decision in the impulse of the moment
so i am glad we are not rushing into it
i realised that many things i have misunderstood
only thought of them in the way i wanted them to be
and not give you the benefit of the doubt
that it shld nt be so complicated
it's jus that i think too much
and make myself stressed out and worry too much
anw derrick jus told me that he wans to book me for kayhian next yr in jan prob for 5 weeks
duno whether shld be happy onot
considering the long hours and the endless work
but i do like the team
cox weiquan is really a good snr
though am kinda sad tt wun b under the leadership of derrick
wondering how it will work out
and plus i duno if we can face each other all day long and not want to pull each other's hair out
maybe that will really prove a real test for us lo
very sian this week
got released from BR
cox the budget constraints
but yet still need to do BR stuff while logging into unassigned
abit not here not there
so not very happy abt it
sighz cant wait for the week to end
i dunwan to get circonded to GA
:(
been eating alot recently
kinda getting worried
i want to go on holiday!
need a break!!
i want taiwan and hk
but no money
and no one to acc me!
and i am lazy to org too!
hahas
:(
sometimes u jus wonder at the immaturity of others
so amazing
oh wells
it's none of my business anw
on a happier note, i am pretty relaxed these days
:)
been doing almost anyth i wan and everyth i wan
eat whatever i wish to etc
hahas
feel that am putting on weight!
cox i keep eating good food!
had client treating us to peach garden
the food was really good!
the peking duck etc
yums!
then alan(my AM) treated us to korean food yest too
but din really like it
hahas
but still am well-fed!
drinking lotsa bubble tea too
i know it ain't gona be smoothsailing all the way
but at least everyth is out in the light now
no more second guessing
we'll jus have to move along and figure out the next step together
jus that there are so many barriers in btw
they may not be so evident now
but i am sure in time to come, they will surface
then maybe by then, i will know his will for me
whether i was wrong
i now know why u say no one will match up to u
i always knew it but jus refused to admit it
i dun like guessing games
i am always too impulsive
so it makes me feel like giving up
"Love Song For A Savior" (Jars of Clay)
In open fields of wild flowers,
she breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,
"I want to fall in love with You"
Sitting silent wearing Sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
A great salvation through it calls to the people
who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,
"I want to fall in love with You"
It seems too easy to call you "Savior",
Not close enough to call you "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion
"I want to fall in love with You"
"my heart beats for You"
love unspoken but felt so deeply
love divine
i want to fall in love with you
i thank you for loving me
bit by bit, step by step
i feel u closer to me
fast and furious or slow and cruising?
i'll never know
this weekend has been the most rewarding and most exciting so far!
:)
really packed to the brim
many a times, i really felt i was gona faint with exhaustion
thurs was JP morgan run
5.6km!
like wat jeanie placed as her album name
we came, we walked/ran, we conquered!!
woohoo!
hahas
now i know my running shoes are really chui!
they gave way halfway
super sian
shows how much i dun exercise
anw it was a really good experience
had a great time walking wif hy, jeanie,kelvin and victor!
we really kept each other company on tt long long walk
:)
loved the scenery and the feeling of accomplishment!
ended the day with dinner at macs!
fri woke up really really early!
the good friday church service was really good!
really felt God' abounding love and amazing grace
love what my speaker said:
the horizontal beam represents God' outstretched love
the vertical beam represents the height of God's holiness
and the cross is where God's love and holiness met!
sucha wonderful and marvellous symbol of our living Saviour's great sarcrifice.
this weekend i refound my love for God once more
and i desire to commune with him more and to love him as my bridegroom
afterwhich we went for the women's retreat at GB campsite
a wonderful experience!
i went there reluctant but came back spiritually refreshed!
the planning experience taught me alot
that it's christ i am serving
not men
that once i set my vow to serve him, i should stay thru till the end
instead of using work as an excuse
and i knew that God was speaking to me
bcox it was no coincidence
that I woke up on sat morn and realised i cld slp no more
and went out to find rina at the benches
sparked off our sharing
and we realised our weaknesses and failure to rely on the Lord
to simply trust n obey
we cried like mad
but tt was the most honest sharing i had in ages
i felt my burdens for the past week fell away
during the retreat, i finally understood the real reason for the retreat
maybe our main purpose was to learn more about desiring god and finding the true beauty in ourselves
but to me, it was more than that
i found the inner peace within me
i needed the time to step away from the world
and jus find rest in him
i was getting tired of being too busy,
i never stopped to rest
in the end i tired myself out
and no matter what i never did, i never seemed to enjoy myself
but this time, i retreated to a place of solace
i learnt that a truely beautiful woman knows who she is and who she belongs to,
she knows God has a purpose for her life and she has a purity of heart
she knows she is loved, not by anyone else, but by a divine man
she glows from within and overflows her love to everyone ard her
to love God is a commandment, not a choice
no one else can fill the empty void within each of us
he made us to worship and to love him
the retreat is only 24 hrs
but it was a fruitful one
i am really glad i was part of the planning committee
afterwhich went home for a nap on sat afternoon
and met the august batch at nabins for the march, apr, may bdaes celebration!
been a long time since we all gathered!
:)
today was church in the morn
and then a really long sleep in the afternoon
been a long time since i slept so soundly
hmmmm
then had dinner with family for jie jie's bdae
what a wonderful weekend!
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